Diary of a closet heterophobic

2007-04-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

homophobia is extremely wrong

2007-03-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

got dis through an email...it a video on homophobia...nice, sad video...to think dat there are people suffering because of the choices they make...haunting music though which i believe from placebo

to those people who think homesexuality is a sin...please do take time and reflect...cause homosexuality is not a sin...it is a choice and preference made by ourselves...with god's permission...cause everyone is special in god's eye...even though none of us are perfect...

2007-03-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i've speant quality time with myself...how therapeutic it can be...after slogging for 12days, nothing beats waking up early in the morning and have a walk by myself (through orchard rd with my big haversack, havainas cargo shorts and black tee, i look like a backpacker hur hur k more like a wannabe) ...i love to spend time alone...away from work and away from people that i meet everyday...not that i'm complaining or being anti-social...but its nice to be alone by oneself once in a while...

finally i'm done with "five people you meet in heaven by mitch albom"...the first book which i'm finally done with for this year...and i also found out that they made the movie out of the book, hopefully i can find it in singapore...an inspirational book about a guy name eddie a war veteran who died at the age of 83yrs old while trying to save a girl from getting killed...den the story bring us to five different people whom eddie met in heaven...which this five different people, there are five different stories and lessons to be learnt...fairness (first person - blue man), sacrifice (second person - his captain during war), forgiveness (third person - ruby, owner of the old ruby pier), love (fourth person - his wife, maguerite) and there's a reason for every existence ( last person - tala, the gal who died in the fire during war)...i shall end my blog with a quote at the last page of the book,"that each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."...next stop ps. i love you (i know its a chick book :P)...

lost and never found

2007-03-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

today i lost a part of my life that was entirely made of you...yup i lost all my memories of you within a slip of my mind...how could i be so careless and why am i such a fool...why did i make dis huge mistake...nothing or no one in dis world can replace the emptiness i am feeling inside...if only i can go back to the first time i meet you...and keep all the sweet smses from you all these years...or is this a sign to let me know its time to let you go....why on earth did i left my hp inside my shorts and put it into the washing machine...yup i am so totally bloody fucking dumb asshole...

if i were to rewrite history of my life again...i wish i had met you when we were still kids...yup imagine being smitten with you from that very first innocent sight...growing up and growing old together, i will not let go of your hand till the day you let go of mine...as for now i will have to make do of your memories in my mind...

melancholic is the state of my mind

2006-10-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

growing up is never easy...the path of adulthood, is filled wid obstacles, trials of heartache and filled wid dissapointment...or are we just never satisfied wid what we have...sometimes i wonder if i'm asking too much...all i wanna is juz a simple life and yet i'm always left dissapointed again and again...

if only mom is around...yup someone whom i can relate my problems to...someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on...and someone for me to hug and tell me everything is gonna be alrite...but she's gone...leaving me to fend for myself in dis wide big world...where happiness are just illusions...

i guess the best way to live is by not asking for anything...just live each day as it pasts by...cause when you start to love dats when your heart starts to break...

2006-10-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

its been a wk since i started workin in singtel...so far the job has been pretty slack compared to sh...yup i can just spend the whole day doin nothing and waiting for leads to do my calls...so most my time will be spend chatting wid my fellow colleagues, junking on my desk (k not so often) and reading up on the current promos for singtel broadband...yup currently i'm in the broadband team and my main job is to save my customers from the evil sh wahahahaha...the only downside working in here is that there's no interenet access and i can't msn...well as they say you can't have the best of both worlds rite...

apart from work...things in my life ain't goin on dat well...but i just don wanna be whiny in my blog...all i wanna say is the more you want something the bigger the dissapointment will be...dats reality...for now i'm just taking a step at a time...trying my best to get far away (yup call me a coward but some things are best left unspoken)...

well i guess dats all for now...ciao

2006-10-05T15:19:00.000+08:00

today will be the second time i'm leaving sh...i don know if i am looking forward to a new workplace...after being so comfortable for the past few mths...i hope kel and i will be able to adapt to the new workplace...and hopefully the ppl there are as nice as my beloved starhubbers :)...

anyways sorry to those of you who came into my blog and its not been updated...well my pc at home have gone kaput...so blogging at work is a bit of mission impossible...anyways lately not much to blog about...cause don wanna bore you guys wid mundane details of my daily life hahaha...

well for the latest updates...my dad finally got hitched...yup after 10years my mom passed away, i guess its time he moved on...at least there's someone to take care and accompany him...he has been in high spirits lately, i guess everything is goin on great for him...furthermore the auntie is a ver nice lady, funny and wah not a bad cook...hopefully i won't get fed till fat wahahaha...

oh yeah...goin to go bangkok in a few mths time in jan wid kel, peg and her bf...yup the 4 of us cheapo bought dirt cheap tickets from tiger airways when they were having promotions for their 2yr anniversary...it will be a first time trip for me...kinda excited...cause i heard bangkok is a shopping paradise...can't wait to get my hands on those cheap tees...especially my QAF tees which i've been dying to get...

and finally the month of october is here and i'm gonna continue to collect my 9,999 saga seeds for her or maybe not for her...hahaha k lets leave it like dat...who i shall give to when the time is right...the name will be revealed muahahaha...

k lah dats all for now till i have the chance to blog again...

blast from my past...

2006-07-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

once in a while...thoughts of childhood days will linger on my mind...yup those bittersweet memories, where life was all about having fun and no worries...makes me wonder if her childhood memories are the same as mine (staring at the walls fondly in the office)...ha ha k dats too guniang and so unlike me...

anyways today kel brought for me dis choco snack called koko...its a long corn stick covered with chocolate...well took a pic of it (but not yet upload lah)...use to have it during primary school days...so while eating my looooooonnnnnnggggg choco stick...i keep thinking of my childhood memories...chatted wid my colleagues about their childhood days...so i went online to see if anyone blogs or have pics of childhood tidbits and toys...when i found dis forum and someone posted 50 things about childhood days...all those fond memories flooded my mind...i wish i could go back to those wonderyears...anyways to those of you who are nostalgic as me enjoy the list...hope sweet fond memories for you too...

50 things about your childhood days (born 1974-1980)

01. You grew up watching He-man, MASK, Transformers, Silverhawks and Visionaries. Not forgetting, Ninja Turtles, My Little Pony and Smurfstoo.

02. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a colored mug. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.

03. You know what SBC stands for

.04. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.

05. You watch a popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack and another one called Oshin or those 3pm Chinese drama serials on Ch8 with the likes of Aileen Tan, Zoe Tay & Cherie Lim.

06. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in secondary school.07. SBS buses used to be non-air-conditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed. There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole in the ticket.

08. Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day.

09. You've probably read Young Generation magazine(you know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable) or those lame bookworm gang bookz.

10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

11. Movie tickets used to cost a mere $3.50.

12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.

13. Missing Sesame Street or The Electric Company was a mortal sin.

14. You longed to buy tidbits called Kaka, Tora and Ding Dang, that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring. And chewing gum was not banned!

15. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers.

17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives and you get a free pirate plastic hat everytime you ate at Long John Silver.

18. The most vulgar thing you said was idiot or stupid and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

19. Playing catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.

20. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

21. CDIS were your bestfriend.

22. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.

23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

24. Boys loved to play soccer with coulourful small plastic balls in the basketball court.

25. Teng-teng, batu lesung, hopscotch, hentam bola, five-stone, one-leg and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too.

26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fish.

27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr. Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And of course... ... Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks...

28. We carry out experiments of our own to get ourself badges for being a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.

29. Every Children's Day and National Day you either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.

30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.
31. We wore Panda, BM2000, BATA or Pallas shoes then moved on to Paichi & US Masters in sec school.

32. Your form teacher taught you maths, science, english, social studies & health education.....oh and sometimes PE too.

33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.

34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear our dry and warm socks and shoes.

35. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.

36. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.

37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

39. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

40. Boys like to catch fighting spiders & play goli (no kissing).

41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

42. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".

43. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, I write your name ah!"

44. There were at least 40 people in one class.

45. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried. And remember those Bodypac, Umbro & High Sierra bagz... yeah...

50. You brought every single book to school, even though there as one thing called thetimetable.

k its not exactly 50 lah...maybe the person who did dis list fail maths since primary school ha ha...almost 3/4 of the list bring fond memories to me...i love the 80's everythin seems delirious back den...the next post will be pics of childhood memories...well don't know when will it be ready lah...since you all know i can be a slow coach at times haha...

memories of ice rain

2006-05-07T02:27:00.000+08:00

ice rain (bingwoo)

this is a story of two complete strangers who met in a mountain expedition in asiaq mountain, alaska... one is an expert mountaineer and another is a novice who just graduated from college... through the expedition, each took turn to tell stories of their past...one is about his childhood friend, his first love and another is about his lover...not realising that they are talking about the same gal...and the reason they went through the expedition is to find the love that they had lost...

the faithful expedition

her lover her friend

2nd cutest person to die for beside p

one of the reason i watch the show cause kim ha-neul is in it...yup she was the gal torn between her childhood bestfriend and her lover...one she doesn't bear to break his heart cause they have been very close since they were kids until they met years later in college...the other one whom she had an affair with and loved him so much that she just can't bear to let go of even though she's hurt inside...its the first time i watched ha-neul in a melodrama...cause i'm usually used to her cute and funny antics in movies like my tutor friend and too beautiful to lie...what made me sad was her decision to end her life while she was hanging on to the rope climbing up a cliff...yup i was sleepless pondering about the movie after it ended...it makes me wonder will it hurt more to spend more or lesser time wid that special someone and eventually losing her...memories are built to remind us of the times spent...but ain't memories at times a cruel way to remind us what we had and lost...

things you do when bo liao online

2006-04-29T10:24:00.000+08:00

well got dis from someone who posted a bulletin in my friendster...do it for fun hahaha...

what/who is your favorite:
1. person: p
2. drink: water
3. song: the way i do by marcos hernandez
4. food: seafood noodles from ps foodcourt
5. thing to do all day: watching dvds continuously hahaha i'm a movie freak
6. late-night activity: hanging out wid my buddies either clubbing or pigging out supper
7. number: 13

When was the last time you:
8. cried :three years ago...
9. laughed:last night chattin online wid kel
10. hugged someone: p if sms huggies counted wahahaha
11. slept with someone special: err been waiting for that day wahahaha
12. felt depressed:a year ago when i was jobless for two weeks
13. felt overworked:everyday is a breeze for a slacker like me
14. lied:i don lie cause i'm a bad liar

What was/were the last:
15. words you said: "hope you dream of the pong pong gals" to kel
17. song you listened to: with every breath by jars of clay feat. leigh nash (its therapeutic)
18. thing you drank: water
19. place you went to: the new bakery near my house
20. movie you saw:inside man
21. movie you rented: xmen2

Who was the last person you:
22. hugged: aiyo ref above lah, qs no. 10
23. cried over: someone i've gotten over three years ago
24. kissed: err my dad before i go to work (yup i'm a daddy's girl)
25. shared a secret with: kel
26. had a sleepover with: no one
27. called: i don't like to call ppl
28. went to a movie with: kel
29. saw: my colleagues in sh
30. were angry with:no one
31. missed:p

Have you ever:
33. danced in the rain: yes wahahaha crappy rite
34. gone to someplace special with someone
special: yup that was three years ago...
35. done drugs: nope
36. partied 'til the sun came up: looad of times in the past but now i'm a self-confessed saint
37. gone out with someone special: ref to qs 34
38. had lunch with someone special:ref to qs 34

My life:
39. name: zehan f shah
40. relationship status:single and unavailable cause i'm waiting for someone
41. nationality: sinagporean
42. occupation: slacking in the office and disturbing my friends on msn wahahaha

Play :
43. i'm feeling: k
44. i'm listening to:you and me by lifehouse
45. i'm doing: dis bo liao thingy cause i'm bo liao at home
46. i'm thinking of: p 24/7 (k i'm corny)

Love
47. love: p
48. in love: p
49. my current love: waiting for p
50. best love song: guilty by blue
51. is it possible to be in love w/ more than one
person at the same time: tried, but its not my style
52. is there such thing as love @ first sight: totally 100% possible
53. wat r u doing : aiyo ask again, ref to qs 45
54. wat song r u listening to now: run to me by oscar de la hoya
55. wat color of shirt r u wearing: err a red tank top
56. wat is d brand of the shirt:its a tank top lah, OP
57. where r u now: in my room
58. wat r u thinking now: what is p doin now?

Picky picky:
59. dog or cat : dog
60. sunshine or rain: sunshine
61. hugs or kisses: kisses hahahaa
62. summer or winter: winter
63. playstation or nintendo: xbox can?
64. car or motorcycle: car
65. house party or club: club
66. sing or dance: dance

brand
67. where do u cut ur hair: 10bucks for 10mins (yup i'm cheapskate hahaha)
68. what is the brand of ur bag: nike
69. what is the brand of ur wallet now: ripcurl, birthday pressie from some of my close colleagues in sh
70. what is the brand of ur sandal: havaianas
71. what is ur favorite brand of clothes: no particular brand, as long as i fancy i will buy
72. what brand do u use for ur shower: adidas

mistakes are made to be learnt...

2006-04-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

mistakes...its the lesson we learn out of it...that makes us a better person...that make us realise we have to be thankful with what we have...though at times, mistakes learnt...after its too late...or we lose something or that someone precious...

these past few days make me realise...how important she is to me...yup, she's not an expressive person...and she's a very low profile type of gal...though we met once in our lives...she's always been there when i need her...the days when i miss her...its like we have a telepathy connection...

3yrs is a long time to wait for someone...but i have yet to find the right time to tell her my feelings...and to think that i wanted to let go...thinking that finding someone else i will be better off...

and i'm lucky i realised my mistake soon...cause no one else is worth the pain...

The Way I Do Marcos Hernandez

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

I love you
I need you
I want you
..the way I do
[x2]

2006-04-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda "speechless"...it had been awhile since i really blog...yup my life had been in a lil merry-go-round two weeks ago...it started when i left starhub...got a permanent job at funmobile (its not really a fun job, hahahaha cause we practically have to handle calls from super duper angry customers)...left the job after two days...cause the job really depresses me...but my colleagues over there had been nice...its a relaxing environment...its the customers that i can't stand...well went back to da paolo...yes it was so good to be back there...met the regular customers and they were so happy to see me again...yes get to know more new customers...ooohhh not forgetting dis super cute, duper tall (i think she's like 1.8+ tall) kiera knighly lookalike babe...my god she's only 18 but so hot (k z stop drooling hahaha)...and yeah i get to see this cute gal that i had a crush on...my what a lot of difference a year made...but den after two and a half weeks of pure heaven...i quit...yeah you guys must be thinking what a doofus i am rite...well i have a valid reason for doin so but i ain't gonna tell why...as they say everything happens for a reason rite...

as for my life now...i'm taking things slowly...and umm kinda addicted to korean movies now (yup i know its corny)...but i don care i love everything korean especially kim ha neul (whom by the way looks totally like her, hahaha)...can't wait for her new movie to come out, comic youth starring opposite kwon sang woo...to those of you who are from mars...maybe you would like to checkout my tutor friend, which both of them starred in..its 101% hilarious...

as for her she's busy wid school to bother about me (oops am i whining hahaha)...nuh-uh not gonna do that in my blog (oops)...just can't wait for her to finish her exams...been trying to finish up da vinci code book...so that i can ask her to go and watch the preview wid me...so those of you out there wish me luck k...pray hard that she will say yes wahahahaha...

k now i'm gonna head to bed...don wanna get hooked to the pc...zzzZZZZ

pieces of my dark, empty broken heart

2006-02-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

as i sit alone in an empty room...solitude...loneliness...engulfed me...as i think of the past...as i picture ur face...ur beautiful smile...and my heart keep beating so fast...run...run...run...is all i wanna do...and yet my feet are as heavy as lead...darkness surrounded me...i keep thinking hard and all i can picture of are dark, smoky black clouds...

i try to reach out...screaming my heart out...but its just silence that comes out of me...me...sitting alone at the corner of the dark,empty room...waiting...waiting...waiting...

"nothing else matters anymore...cause u don love me the way i do you...what's the point of falling in love...when all we get are broken hearts that can never be mend..."

addictive song from imagine you and me trailer

2006-02-04T17:07:00.000+08:00

You And Me by Lifehouse

What day is it?

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

kinda hooked to this song after i watch the trailer to 'Imagine me and you'. the movie is about this gal rachel who falls in love wid a stranger on her wedding day...the person is another gal who happens to be there, when rachel was walking down the aisle to the altar...rachel begins to question herself is the man she's gonna get married is the one...

caught the trailer and i've been dying to watch it...hope it gets screen here in singapore...haiz if not i'll just get the dvd lol...true love...how will we know if that perfect someone is the one...or do anyone believe in love at first sight, destiny or fate...i guess when the time comes, we just know it don we...just the thought of her will make us blush, smile with glee...and all i can ever think of now is her...how perfect she is in so many ways...that even the most beautiful woman in the world can never be compared to her...cause she's the apple of my eye...

nothing much...

2006-01-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna be so broke dis coming weekend...well last sat went shopping wid kel...went to marina square to check out any clothes for her for cny...so we ended up in a levis store before we head down to candy empire...and there it was waiting for me...one of the levis jeans from their new range 'free to move jeans'...well kel persuaded me to try since she's thinking of getting one kns...damn it never felt so good...it fits well every part of me especially the thigh part, its so roomy...den reality hits back to me when i see the price tag $149+ aaarrgghhh...well i dun care i guess its time to pamper myself something nice since i rarely shop...below is the pic of the devil which will making my pocket burnt a hole dis comin weekend wahahaa (nice rite)...

well been keeping myself busy reading memoirs of geisha dis weekend...i can't wait to watch the movie...though she dun really liked the book...well actually me too cause its too sad (k i know i'm being prissy but i dun like stories of sadness cause it kinda make me feel sad and empty)...to those of you who get to catch the previews, lucky assholes hahaha anyways i'm so totally gonna catch it by dis week...yup its gonna be my treat for cheonging the whole book within a short period of time...

anyways i've found out from this website...a video done by madtv a spoof of memoirs of geisha (you can click at the link at the side bar of my blog)...yup its so crappy...enjoy it

an ode to someone in love...

2006-01-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

love is a simple four letter word...and yet it can be so complicated in so many ways...only the one that is in it will understand the excitement or pain...love can bring...sometimes i wonder...why do people keep falling in love when most of the time it ended wid hurt or dissapointment...i guess despite the risk of falling in love, i guess nobody wants to be alone...and also the wonderful feeling of someone to hold on to...someone to talk to...someone to give all your attention to, vice versa...there's nothing as heavenly as being in love wid that special someone...

follow where your heart tells you...and one day it will show you...the hidden ans...to all your confusin and burning desires...just dun let others determined what others desires for you or from you...

in the beginning...

2006-01-04T19:56:00.000+08:00

i hope everyone had a great new year weekends...well as for me...i've had a great time hanging out wid my buddy at home...yeah i slogged in the kitchen lol...yup both of us planned to have dinner at my home while having our dvd marathon...met kel in the afternoon...then we went to expo for times book fair...well nothing much dis time around but i managed to grab about 4 books...and one of them is by ethan hawke (yeah to those of you who don't know, ethan hawke is a writer)...bought his second novel called ash wednesday...it was like 8 bucks for a hardcover book...dirt cheap bargain aye...after browsing through 'dusty' piles of books...kel and i took a train down to suntec...yeah went to carrefour to grab the ingredients dat i needed...

rush back home in a cab (sponsored by my kind buddy)...i'm such a slow cook and we ended up having dinner at 10.30 wahahaha...well kel was kinda bored and extremely hungry...she helped me to cut vegetables wahahahaha...den i shooed her to watch dvd...since it was new year's eve so i took the courage to sms her...well she was having dinner wid her family at lei's garden...sms each other and we promised to meet some time dis year (yesh i'm so totally looking forward to it)...yup i was jumpy while having my dinner...and we exchanged photos again...haiz i think i must be vain as kel and take lots of photos wid my hp cam lol...she went home early dat night and was asleep before midnight (she's one in a million ain't she)...

hopefully 2006 will be a beginning of all the good things for me and her...and wish you guys all the best too...

''waiting is a beautiful process, but dun wait too long''...

26 things to do in 2006...

2005-12-30T20:10:00.000+08:00

1) to find a job...

2) to find the courage to ask her out...

3) to find out every single little detail about her...

4) to collect 9, 999 saga seeds for her...(k halfway there)...

5) spend more time wid my buddies (at least once a month)...

6) to watch every single sci-fi movie especially star wars...k i'm turning into a science geek...

7) to go to the star wars exhition...

8) to have the courage to learn how to ride a bicycle...

9) to explore the ulu places in singapore especially the hsbc treetop walk...

10) learn to be a better cook...

11) be more active and to spend less time rotting at home...

12) start doin things i've been procastinating...

13) start reading the books i've bought at the book sale a few months ago...

14) go back hong kong...hahaha...

15) hopfully get to go to bangkok dis year...

16) to think about the next ten things i should do hahaha...

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

2005-12-28T10:37:00.000+08:00

dis year's xmas has been a memorable one for me...yup cause i've received the most wonderful pressie...and its from her...i was wid kel on xmas eve...met her for supper and den we took a stroll at east coast park...hahaha to those of u who dun know kel...err she's my buddy k...she's not the one...hahaha...well it was kel's idea to call her...yeah i was kinda sad cause i sms her and she didn't rply me at all...but i was too coward to do so...in the end kel did it (thanks bro) and that lucky buddy of mine get to hear her voice hahahaa...yup kel pretended that it was a wrong no...instead of being happy i was even sadder cause she never replied me since she came back...so kel and i sat down and chatted...

suddenly...there was a message on my hp...yup it was her...she apologised cause she had been busy running here and there...and she got back yesterday...wahahaha my face lit up...k i forgive her...it was silly of me right to think negatively...haiz silly silly silly me...anyways kel asked me to ask her if she has any pics from argentina...being a chicken i dun dare (yeah i know i'm such a coward)...so kel help me to sms her...hahaha and she send me not one but two pics of her...she's so beautiful (she look like kim ha neul)...i was breathless the moment i saw her pics...well for privacy purposes i'm not gonna put it on my blog hahaha (k i'll just describe the pic)...one of the pic is her and her horse...and the other pic was a pic of her and a little boy (i think her friend's bro or son) eating ice cream hahaha...and the best part was when she told me that she's very happy to have a friend like me...k i know but hey i'll not give up k wahahaha...hopefully she never see dis confession post of mine hahaha...and also i lied to her dat i was at home when i was actually at east coast hur hur hur...

for now i'm glad and thankful for her to be in my life...

jus a lil wish from me...

2005-12-23T18:38:00.000+08:00

MERRY X'MAS

EVERYONE

AND

HAPPY NEW YEAR

wad's gonna goin on...

2005-12-22T21:13:00.000+08:00

haven't been blogging lately...its not that i don want to...but nothing interests me to blog about...anyways kinda excited about the coming weekends...yesh finally x'mas is here...my colleagues and i are planning a pig out...can't wait for the sumptious buffet spread awaiting me...yeah been eating and spending thriftly lately...

anyways feel kinda guilty...cause i've been neglecting my buddies...well one of the reasons i've been busy with working overtime...yup trying to earn more money thinking i can start saving...and each month i can hardly save $50...yup its quite sad...cause my pay is quite pathetic and its paid weekly...so the money earned can hardly be seen...especially after giving my dad his monthly allowance and paying all the household bills...i'm left with peanuts for my daily expenses and occasional trips to jb...anyways its gonna change soon...cause i've promise myself to start to spend wisely and try to eat cheap food for lunch on weekdays...hahahahahaha yeah z is getting cheapo dis days...well have to cause kel and i are planning to go hk in july woohooo...together wid her sis and another friend of hers...yeshhhhhhhh hopefully moca is still there...wow a year later i wonder if she still remembers me hur hur hur...

these past few days been checking out...other activities or interesting places to go...yeah town area is making me sick...seriously i'm disgusted by shopping centres and crowded places...been bugging kel to go wid me to ulu places hahahaha...yup its goin to be my new resolution...to explore ulu places in singapore...hahahaha once i even asked her if she's ineterested to go to the cemetery at night wid me...hahahaha k i'm not some psycho...but i was thinking of catching fireflies hahahaha...well i guess i'm now into ulu places cause for the past two weekends i've been speanding my time picking saga seeds 9not goin to tell you people where to get it hahahaha)...yup cause i wanna collect 9,999 saga seeds for her...so to those of you who wanna collect the love seeds (saga seeds) for your darlings, you have to figure it out yourself wahahahaha...gosh i know i'm crazy...dats what love does to a person like me...k i better zip my mouth hahahaha...

anyways back to the interesting ulu places...yup i've discovered an interesting places...for those of you who like nature and hiking...there's dis long bridge in mac ritchie...its called the HSBC treetop walk (for more info check it out here...)...dawn was online earlier on...so chatted with her about it and she's so excited about it...told her i'll organise a trip (yesh gonna spend more time wid my buddies next year)...that lucky gal gonna go rome tomoro...she'll be back on new year's day...can't wait to meet her...hope she takes lots of pictures of hot ang mo babes hur hur hur...

before make-over

after make-over

well today saidah showed me an interesting website..its called stuffonmycat.com...the website dedicated to all the loony cat owners who likes to dress up their cats or put stuff on their cats and take the poor feline's pictures...seriously after looking at the cat pics i won't be surprise quietly planning on taking over the world from stupid humans...seriously they look vengeful in most of the pics hahahaha...

well gotta go now...dead tired and its already way half past nine...gonna drag my lazy ass home...

a lil bit of what's goin on...

2005-12-09T20:10:00.000+08:00

the weekends are finally here again...and i'm finally catching (drumrolls)...

yup its gonna be a movie marathon for kel, ger and me (hahahaha)...and sunday will be shop till we drop day for me and kel woohooo...

anyways...

ain't dis ring gorgeous!...i know i sound silly but the moment i see it, the only person on my mind was her...yeah i was dreaming of the day when i'll slip dis ring through her finger (hahaha)...gosh it makes me miss her even more now...yesh i'm gonna start saving and working my ass off...no more slacking and zero clubbing (hahaha yesh i quit sorry people)...to all of you who pity dis dreamer kindly dropgenerous donations to my F.I.F (future investment funds) hur hur hur...

love...

2005-12-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

i'm

with you

every

single

my wonderful days ahead...

2005-12-03T11:33:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i went to watch a movie at the theatre...the last one was which i won two tix to the special screening for fridae members...saving face is a simple mother and daughter story...wil (michelle krusiec) is a medical intern living by herself and has no social life...her widowed mother, ma (joan chen) does not understand why she has to spend so much time working and set up blind dates for her...hoping that one day she'll find someone suitable and settle down...one day wil life was intruded, when her grandpa found out that her mom was pregnant and does not know who the father was...her mom was kicked out and has no where to live and ended up staying at her place...at the same time wil met a wonderful girl and they are going out together unknown to her mom...so with two people with different characteristic staying under the same roof, chaos started to ensue...will wil able to tell her mom about her being gay and happy with another girl...will ma find someone that she loves to take care of her and the unborn child...hahahha to know the answer go and watch the movie (you dun have to be a lesbian to enjoy this heartwarming movie)...

anyways after work today...me and kel decided to catch a movie cause both of us wanted to get the chicken little popcorn combo (set b)...but was dissapointed when the service crew told us that set b was sold out as well as set a....aarrrggghhhhh yyyyyyyyyyyyy...we decided to watch a movie anyways...and we chose ...since we had to wait for ger to come back to catch chicken little and harry potter (and kel pls go and faster cheong your harry potter dvds before the next weekends k)...

consists of 1 popcorn, 1 drink and 1 chicken little topper cup

consists of 1 popcorn, 1 drink and 1 chicken little comic book (this is the one we both aiming to get, tsk tsk)

consists of 1popcorn, 1drink and 1 chicken little lanyard (haiz, still thinking if i should get it)

or maybe i can get the king kong combo, lol the water bottle looks cool

after the movie goin to hang out with sean and meet up wid polo later on...hopefully won't stay out so late cause i'm so freaking tired...its been awhile since we hang out together...hahahaha i better meet them before they kpkb me...haiz and tomoro i'll be dragged by kel to go eat dim sum hahahaha...cause her friend crystal wanna eat the dim sum buffet at miramar hotel (i know the hotel name sounds ulu, but the dim sum is shiok man, worth every single dollars)...

and can't wait to meet up wid zen hur hur hur...we are goin to indulge ourselves dis coming wednesday...yesh ben and jerry here i comeeeeeeee

survey for the bo liaos, done by a bo liao

2005-11-30T10:16:00.000+08:00

i'm doin this survey cause i'm bored...secondly my name has been wanted in ger's and ian's survey...so let's do this bo liao survey wahahaha...

when you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
haiz why does my hair look like shit everyday

how much cash do you have on you today?

hahaha i'm poor everyday, at most 10 bucks dun mind if there's anyone kind out there wanna donate their money to me hur hur hur

what word rhymes with "tests".

hmm, let me think about it while waiting for my hot bottle of milk...k what about err less, mmmmess, ooohhh i'm getting better in dis and k one last shot...oooh k rests...woo wee i did it

favorite plant?

weed anyone?

who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

who else but my kpo dad who's bored at home

what is the main ringtone on your cellphone?

you are beautiful by james blunt

what shirt are you wearing?

black shirt which i bought when i was in poly, k now its kinda tighter cause no money to buy new clothes mah

do you label yourself?

what kind of ridiculous question is this next!!!!

brands of shoes you currently wearing?

nowadays i dun have the habit to wear shoes cause i'm beginning to be more slack in my dressing, also no chio bu will be interested in me wear so nice for what rite... but i have a pair of adidas kids shoes (err my feet is small lol) and two nike shoes dumped in my storeroom ha ha ha

bright or dark room?

of coz ...hur hur hur not what you thinking lah...i like dark room so i can watch my dvds as if i'm in a cinema theatre

what were you doing at midnight last night?

fallen asleep while watching in my room

what was the last texted message you receive on your cellphone?

"meet you dis sat bro "

do you ever click on "popped up" or banner?

do i sound like an idiot to you

whats the saying you say alot?

kns = ka na sai

who told you they love you last?

doesn't matter anymore

1st furry thing you touch?

i'm not guniang hor i dun own any furry things

how many drugs have you done on the last three days?

i need my caffeine plsssssssssssssssssssszzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZ

how many rolls of film you need to get developed?

dey which century you from now everyone using digicam, anyways don own one and don like to take pics...so dis question is totally irrelevant lah so now you can

favorite age you have been so far?

1yr old cause everything seems new and innocent to me back den

your worst enemy?

the evilness of a human being towards another

what is your current desktop picture?

a pic of someone who mean the world to me

what was the last thing you said to somebody?

"good morning dude"

if you have to choose between $1000000 bucks or to be able to change a major regret?

i don believe in having regrets as life itself is too short...though i may not be much of a materialistic type of person i shall say i go for the money

do you like someone?

yup i do, just waiting for the right moment to tell her waiting...waiting..waiting...

the last song you listened to?

stolen by jay sean

people i hope to see do this quiz?

anyone who is bo liao enuff to read this entry wahahahaha

i'm proud and out...but are you of me...

2005-11-28T15:58:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if everyone is special...why are we easily prejudiced against one another...its sad to say no matter which century we are living...being a homosexual has never been gracefully embraced by society...those dissaproving stares...sarcastic remarks from strangers who doesn't even know you...or insensitive questions about why you end up being gay or lesbian...

what matters worst is when there's hardly any support at home...everyday the arguments will be about how the way you dress, the way you cut your hair...or when will be the day you change for the sake of other people's happiness...but have they ever thought about how you felt...no they don't...and i guess they never will...

cause in their eyes...you'll never be perfect...the way they thought they are...normal...just normal...

privacy is a luxury

2005-11-18T16:24:00.000+08:00

are our lives so boring...dat we have to pry into another person's private life for the sake of blogging...it's kinda sad dun you think so...

envy...ain't all of us guilty of it at some point in our lives...it may just be an innocent envy wid the girl sitting beside you...caused she scored higher marks than you...or envious wid the neighbor next door cause he won the first prize in a draw...but being envious of someone and prying her privacy for the world to know...it's disgusting and morally wrong...ain't everyone entitled to his or her own privacy...but i guess not when you are living in a world of superficial people...who are indenial of their own insecurities...that they have to air another person's dirty laundry to make themselves feel good...

so before you start judging someone...do yourself a favour...look at yourself in the mirror, and you'll realise you ain't that perfect either...

changes...

2005-11-10T18:32:00.000+08:00

changes...you either love it or just have to painfully go through with it...no doubt its part and parcel of everyone's journey in life...at time it moulds you into a better person and at time it just makes you sad...but most of the time it comes to you when you least expect it...

been working in starhub for a while now...its been nine months (and counting) since my very first day...a place which i used to think will be the last place on earth i wanna work...but its the place where i learnt to love and also forged great friendships...a place where i'll never forget till the day i die...

what makes a place you work memorable...are the people whom you look forward to meet every single day...i'm glad to say most of my colleagues make me feel dis way ever since our friendship grown stronger...in a mere matter of few months...but as they always say 'nothing lasts forever'...and two of my good friends, ian and ger are leaving (ian has already left a few days ago)...cause both of them has found better jobs...though things will never be the same again and its sad to see them go...i'm happy that they've found a better job...hope everything will go well for them in their new job...as for me...still have to get use to the empty seat beside me (cause ian my use to sit beside me) and also working without them (k i'm being drama mama)...hur hur hur still have the rest of my good friends in the office...to make my stay memorable while it last...

z's quote of the moment:
'the day we say goodbye, is the day we say hello to future days of everlasting friendship'

me, my life and i...

2005-11-08T15:45:00.000+08:00

kel told me that i redo my blog more often than i really blog...well the problem is whenever i'm in front of my pc all ready to type my thoughts...dats when my mind just go blank...or i'll have to ponder hard for the right words...and eventually i'll just give up and procastinate...

anyways been busy wid work and hari raya for the past week...its been eye opening moments these past few days...i suddenly realise my biological clock is ticking (tick tock, tick tock)...hahaha its such an amazement to me dat how my nieces and nephews has grown up after not seeing them for the past (i think nearly) a year...they make me feel so old and it feels dat my time is running out by the seconds...there's so many things to achieve and yet so little time left...within a blink of an eye a quarter century of my life has come and go...

i've always wanted a simple life...but i guess wid wad's goin on wid the world now...living a simple life ain't enough for one to be satisfied...but den again i'm thankful for wad i have and has been through...my life had been full of ups and downs...and i'm glad to say everything and everyone has played a part in moulding me into who i am today...

on a lighter note...i can't wait for the animated movie 'chicken little'...its the story of chicken little who mistook a falling acorn for a piece of the sky...causing a widespread chaos that tarnishes his reputation...chicken little is determined to clear his name...until one day, a pice of the sky indeed fall on him...this time around chicken little and his friends, decided to save the world...without creating any chaos...dis is a simple story based from a popular tale 'the boy who cried wolf'...and another reason i am dying to watch it cause kel really looked like chicken little lol...

worldwide massacre...

2005-10-11T12:10:00.000+08:00

i was lying wide awake till the wee hours last night...just can't get to sleep...thinking of the events happening around the world...it's so sad dat everytime u turn on to watch news on tv...the rate of death everywhere is increasing...its a worldwide massacre...thoughts of it always brings chills down my spine...

suddenly i thought of her...thinking of wad if i'm on the verge of death...and she still doesn't know how much she had meant to me...sadness suddenly overwhelmed me...i know i'm being sappy...i know how my friends keep encouraging me to just go for it...tell her how i feel...but seriously its easier said den to be done...haiz i don know guess i'm just waiting for the right moment...

well enough of my melancholic thoughts...

over the weekends...i managed to catch an interesting documentary called 'a species odyssey'...its about the evolution of men from millions years ago...its kind of fascinating to know dat maybe one of our ancestors is an ah meng from africa millions years ago...though it amazes me but i totally don't believe in human evolution...sometimes i feel human beings are just too curious for their own good, to the extent dat its kinda scary...i guess some of you might think dat i'm crapping rite now...but seriously i've been thinking about it for the past few days...i believe in life not everything that happened or happening have answers...

hahaha i better stop before i get quirkier...will blog again when i feel like it...for now lets make the world a better place to live...make love not chaos (k i sound corny hur hur hur hur)...

melancholy and my infinite sadness...

2005-09-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

boredom looms over me...feeling of melancholiness crept towards me...i feel so jaded...i wonder why...a few moments ago i was smiling and laughing...but now all i can think is...burying myself over piles of blankets...wish i'm blind...wish i'm deaf...wish i'm mute...to the world around me...

am i just being paranoid...guess your absence starts to make me wonder...i miss you...where are you when i needed you...can't you sense the emptiness i'm feeling...i feel like crying out...but all i hear are silent wispers from my heart...

2005-09-03T17:18:00.000+08:00

sitting alone in the office...my mind starts to wander...all i think about is you...sometimes you just surprises me...especially when i'm down...or when i'm at the point of giving up on you...and dats the time you surprised me wid your presence...well you dun have to be right in front of me...but just your presence on msn or an sms from you...make me smile wid glee...

sometimes i wonder if you can read my mind...even though you are miles away...but for now i'm thankful for wad we have...as i quietly wait in the corner...just for you... my only you...

if one day i have to choose...that person will be you...

2005-08-30T08:34:00.000+08:00

friends...you can never live without them...as i grow older i realise true friends are the most important people in your life besides your family...i'm one of those people who are lucky to get to know wonderful people who means a lot to my life...it doesn't take a lifetime to find those special people...they may just be the person who sits at the corner of the office, or the someone whom you hardly talks to, or the someone you chat on msn, or the someone who just sits right beside you...i believe everything in life is just right there, it depends on you to find them (be it the one you wanna spend your whole life with or dat special buddy you can joke wid, share your tears and fears or just lend a helping hand when he/she needs it)...

well i guess i better stop being sissy about dis (hur hur hur hur)...anyways wanna share a pleasant surprise wid everyone...well i've been trying to keep mum about my bday...i dun know y i guess as i get older i dun like my bday to be a big hooha...but a few of colleagues went to find out about it...one of them even remembered it cause there was once when she saw the date on my ic...they all pretended it was just another day at work...towards lunch, kel took out a present and a card and gave it to me...hahaha i was kinda embarassed...i was like ''kel you must be the mastermind and told them rite''...they gave me a quicksilver wallet and a cute card...i'm really touched (k being sissy :P) and also paiseh at the same time lah hahaha...anyways who needs love when you have friends dat make your day happening be it at work or my buddies who i hang out wid...

2005-08-26T11:03:00.000+08:00

love...is there such a word as love...or is it just a fabrication...the last time i was totally in loved wid someone...i ended wid a broken heart...but its all in the past and i dun want to remind myself of all the unhappiness...broken relationships doesn't make me a stronger person...but it does make me realise dat everything in life has a risk and a reason to happen...so wadever it is u have to fight for it...or just let it go wad's not meant to be yours...

for now i have to admit...i'm in love...head over heels in love...wid someone i met within a few hours...wid someone who is so far far away from me...wid someone whom i think we'll definitely have communication barriers...but heck i dun care...love is not about knowing someone your whole life...or getting to see that special someone every single seconds in your life...or talking to dat someone in a language you both understand...it is more than all dat...love is all about chemistry...just the thought of her makes u smile wid glee even though u know she's not right near you...or learning something new about her everyday be it a new language...

i'm so in love...and i know its a side of me dat maybe some of u have not seen it...i know maybe some of u might cringe at all the declarations i've been blogging...haha not to mention my msn nick...but i dun care a damn...all i want now is my god damn tix...and i wanna fly away...

2005-08-22T19:54:00.000+08:00

Someday we'll know

If love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know

Why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know

Why I wasn't meant for you

it's been a month since the very first time our eyes met...how time past by painfully slow eversince den...thoughts of her are still fresh on my mind...the way she smiled, the way she looked bored, the way she looked at me, the moments our eyes met...those sweet unforgettable moments...

right now i'm just counting...the seconds...the minutes...the hours...the days...and the months till i see dat beautiful face again...will i ever see her again...for now i'm crossing my fingers and toes...till the day i see her again...

constant craving....

2005-08-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

''as my life past by, all i ever think of is you''

thoughts of you...melancholiness looms over me...its your attention dat i've long been craving for...and yet its something i can just wait and yearn for...i'm just wondering have i done anything to earn that desired attention from you...be it a min...i'm just glad its from you...no one else but you...yeah my only you...

2005-08-11T17:55:00.000+08:00

it has been a wonderful weekend...the week so far has been great, added bonus of a public holiday on tuesday...so have been slacking and catching up on my deprived personal time...last saturday, had our first staff outing...my colleagues and I had a bbq cum birthday party ober at pasir ris park...had a really enjoyable time...there were loads of food (enough to last us like three days if we were to be stranded on an island ), ha ha...i guess the highlight of the outing is when all of us started to sabo each other with water (he he)...firdaus is the mastermind saboin almost everyone, darn...so quietly the rest of us who kena sabo plotted our revenge to sabo him back...i guess my greatest victory will be when i sabo him with dilla's special cake concoction, ha ha...and not fogetting unforgettable moment of all when ainis sabo his face wid a piece of chocolate cake, ha ha...it was tiring and yet a fun day out...not forgetting earlier dat day, kel and me went to expo to check out times bookfair...the books were so cheap (3 for $10)...i bought 6 books and 3 of them were by one of my favorite lesbian author jeanette winterson...

dis week has been kinda breezy...not much callings to do, woohoo...can't wait for tonight, will be meeting up jus and sharon for our lesbian party night at gotham...kel and her sista will be joinin us...its been a long while since i went to lesbian night...the last time i remembered, steven came along wid me too...and dis cute dyke thought dat he's a butch ha ha...after tonight i'm gonna lookout for the weekends...kel and i will be going to jb to walk around...its kinda boring always go to orchard and town areas almost every weekends...so we decided to go across the border and explore...maybe grab some pirated vcds (i'm asame to say dis being a scriptwriter wannabe but you know when you are not that financial wealthy, you always settle for da second best)...and on sunday i've gotta attend one of my secondary schoolmate's wedding over at sengkang...i hope to meet up wod my secondary mates whom i've lost touch for these past few years...i guess the only thing about me they'll say is ''omg z you still look the same'' ha ha...nevermind lah as long as they won't say ''z when's your turn'' ha ha...late in the evening i'll be attending one of my poly mate's mini concert...its her first concert so i told her dat i'll be there to support her...it's been awhile since i meet up wid her and the rest of the poly gang...can't wait to meet them up and tell them about my hong kong trip, ha ha (k k i know its passe already, but i'm still excited about it)...

k i think dats about it at the moment...well been too busy to update my blog...furthermore my bloody pc at home still haven't been send for repairs...till the next time around...

2005-07-25T14:33:00.000+08:00

it's been more than a week since i left hong kong...and yet memories of the place which i learnt to love is still fresh on my mind...i miss the bustling streets throughout the day, small eateries everywhere, flea markets and hundreds of strangers walking pass me on the streets...i hate the feeling of yearning for something, it just makes me feel empty inside...

the hong kong trip has been a wonderful and unforgettable experience for me...at first i dun feel like going, i don't know why... i'm glad i did not back out or anything...if i did i'm such an idiot to do so...went to lots of places within a short period of time...went to macau, zhu hai(border of china), victoria peak, ladies street (flea market in mongkok), causeway bay, avenue of stars...didn't manage to go to hong kong disneyland (cause the tickets are sold out) and ocean park (not much time to spare)...i can't wait for my next trip to hong kong again...anyways details and pictures of the trip, you guys can check out zen's blog...i don't wanna talk about my sweet and happy memories cause i wanna keep it deep in my soul...just waitin till the day i'll go back to hong kong.......

''the rest of the world unfazes me but its you who mesemerized me from the day we met''...dis quote is for someone unforgettable i met there...in the hopes i'll get to see her again...

2005-07-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

Leaving On A Jet Plane

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn'
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet planeI
don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around

but tell him that they don't mean a thing

Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
by the times that I won't have to say

k it's already 5 am... i've to leave my house within 45mins...yet my bags are still unpacked (ha ha)...anyways gonna miss ya guys in da office lots...but anyways i'll just be gone in a while...so i'll be back even before you guys start to miss me, he he...

i'm starting to miss her even before i'm gone...anyways caught up wid her yesterday...everythin seems fine now...guess i'm just paranoid over losin her...love, hopes and miracles are back into my life...

k i've totally gotta go before i miss my plane...miss you guys and lots of love (err since when did i become so sissy, damn you guys are just too adorable)...btw if you guys really really really miss me just sms me lah dun shy shy k, ha ha...

2005-07-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

been quite a slacker lately aint i...kinda lazy to update my blog...been going out and seen too many things around me...some makes me laugh and some simply makes me cringe wid disgust...anyways finally i've caught war of the worlds wid kel, tk and youting...the special effects are good...but sadly to say the the invasion is so unconvincing and the ending is totally dumb...thanks to johnny's warning i'm so well prepared for the crappy ending...i think i can write a better ending than spielberg himself, ha ha (hopefully no one from hollywood sees dis or i'll get my ass fugging sued)... i'm feeling kinda frustrated...my fugging mp3 giving me problems AGAIN!!!...now the bloody screen is blank and yet i can still hear my songs...how on fuggin earth am i goin to download songs, change to different playlists on my player and wad if i accidentally delete my favorite song, aaarrggghhhh...i swear never to buy anymore creative products as long as i live...its a total rip off...within 6months its been giving me loads of problems and causing me so much inconvenience...i'm so disgusted wid creative zen micro, i'm so totally goin to repair it, sell it away and get my hands on an ipod or the new sony mp3 player (i've been patient too long)...to those of you who owns any creative products, all the best to you, ha ha...
k enuff of complaining...the other movie dat i'm goin to review next is fantastic four...watched it last week wid dawn and sean...overall not dat bad, a bit funny here and there and a bit draggy too in some scenes...was kinda tired so half way through the movie i keep yawning every few minutes...went back home straight away instead of hanging out cause i was totally drained out...

two more days and i'm goin to a place which i've been dreamin of goin since i was a kid...hong kong, i wonder how it feels to be there...i remembered telling myself dat dis is the place dat i'll go to when i grow up...ha ha i know you guys must be thinking y hong kong of all the places on earth...i also dun know the reason why cause it was so way long ago...

how times past by so fast...it only feels yesterday when i just started out my first day in primary school...as we get older all we have in us are just memories...be it good, bad or simply bittersweet it will always be part of us...if i only have one memory dat i can keep forever...i'll always want it to be the times when i spent wid my late mom...how i miss her so badly...if only she's here wid me...there's so many things dat i wanna tell her about...the people dats been in my life, the years i've been through without her and also wad i wanna do in the future...i guess only she can understand me and no one else...

its been two weeks since i last talked to her...i thought i was strong but i'm beginning to miss her...should i...or should i just let it be...if only i knew wads the right thing to do rite now...sometimes i wonder is fallin in love is always the biggest mistakes i'll ever do...nothing ever seems rite...is it me or is it just the situation doesn't permits...for now i'm goin to sleep and try not to think of her...goodnite my sweet one...

2005-07-06T08:38:00.001+08:00

hasn't been bloggin these past few days...kinda tired...been busy wid work and been goin out quite a lot lately...anyways everything been good...tonight goin out wid kel, tze kun and youting for a movie...finally catching the highly anticipated movie at the moment 'war of the worlds'...despite my hatred for dat shortie cradle snatcher tom cruise i decide to give the movie a chance...i think child actor dakota fanning is truly a child prodigy...seen her acted in 'I am sam' and 'uptown girls'...i can proudly say that dis gal really has lots of talents and the future is definitely bright for her...

been trying to write my script lately...but kinda stuck...its really frustrating when you have an idea and yet you can't expressed it on paper...so been really goin bonkers regarding dis...haha dun worry not dat bonkers enuff to enter the nut house at hougang...i guess i've been pushing myself too hard (must relax, relax, relax.....)

woohoo 14 days more...here i come hong kong...never know sekali i get to see the gorgeous maggie q or michelle reis, he he...hmm kinda half-hearted to go cause the waiting kinda long...but been watching quite a no of hong kong movies...so kinda looking forward to the trip...darn aint i so crappy fickle minded idiot...

sean finally came back from malaysia...his grandma just passed away...sorry to hear about it dude...well i guess god loves her more than us...he's taking her away cause he just dun want her to suffer anymore...i understand the feeling of a loved one gone away forever...cause i've lost my mom and grandma when i was 16...i'm very closed and pampered with them...when they passed away it was one of my saddest times in my life...the only regret dat i'll always have is not spending much time wid them especially when they were really sick...may the ones who died their souls rest in peace...

well its goin to be nine in a couple of minutes...guess dats it for now...till den

goodbye

2005-07-04T15:20:00.000+08:00

from today onwards i'm not gonna think about love...i'm not gonna hope for a miracle...tired of wishing and hoping...maybe its my fault...cause i ain't have the guts to tell you...guess i'm afraid of losing you...i dun know...i guess its best to focus on something else for the moment...

for now i'm closing you from a chapter in my life...till den...

my story so far...

2005-07-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

melancholic...state of confusion dis very moment...if only she knew...how much i yearn for her...if only i can ask her...a question dats been lingering inside me ...why is it so painful to be in love...is it me or is it her...if only we were told dat growing up ain't dat easy...and fairy tales are just superficial make beliefs...its da survival of the fittest in dis concrete jungle of ours..

''every existenz has a story, wads yours...''

unpredictably bad day

2005-06-30T16:48:00.000+08:00

last night clubbin was awesome...lotsa hot babes and the music mix at phuture was great...but kinda ended nasty...cause one of our gal friend was dead drunk and i kinda strained my arm trying to make her stand straight in the toilet...i was kinda pissed off dat i even have to slapped her to make her wake up to her senses, aarrrgghhh...seriously i hate people who can't hold their drinks and in the end have to burden their friends...lots of girls are like dat...i know i'm being a bitch for saying so but i always believe in everything has a limit...anyway i don't want to talk about dis issue its making me cringe thinking about last nite...

anyways glad dat sean enjoyed his birthday celebration...hehe and wyman came too...miss dat lil boy...ha ha now wyman is all grown up, got girlfriend somemore, haha...

dis morning sean sms me dat he's on his way back to malaysia...his grandma was warded in the hospital...he said its serious...hope everything is goin to be all rite...

well today i didn't go to work...my whole body aching and i feel kinda pukey...aarrggh i hate the feeling...so decided not to torture myself and gave myself a break today...went to the doctor's...i'm kinda lucky cause there's no one in the clinic so the waiting time was a breeze...

but something bizarre happened...i didn't realise my hp actually dialled to her no.(but i did locked my hp, aaarrrrgghhh)...damn it was fugging embarassing...cause i only realise dat 1/2 an hour later when my friend called...so i immediately sms her so dat she wouldn't think wad an idiot i was...and the bizarre and most embarrasing thing was she didn't receive any miss call or anything...i was like fug can someone bury me a big and deep hole so dat i can bury myself for the rest of my life....aaarrrrgggghhhhi need a new hp!!!!...i hope i didn't screw up or if she thinks i'm some spastic weirdo (sheesh)...

well dats about it for today...for now i'm simply doin nothing at home but disturbing my colleagues at work...sorry dat you guys are slogging while i'm enjoying myself at home, he he...don't miss me too much k...

2005-06-29T11:47:00.000+08:00

its been a mundane wednesday at work...lots of calls so i kinda get cranky (haha)...well i guess its only thoughts of her dats making me a better person...i miss her........

kel finally came back from her bangkok trip...he he miss all the laughters when she's not around and now my buddy is finally back...sweet of her to buy gifts for us in da office...and she got me a shirt...gonna wear it to work tomoro...

felt so much better after lunch...ian and me went down to orchard during lunch...he's looking for a pair of jeans...first we went to zara...the shirts there are so nice...within less than 10mins i can find like a dozen shirts which i totally in love wid...k will work hard on my eating habits (haha)...nothing interested ian so we went to have lunch...after lunch we went to fox taka...thought arti was working today but she wasn't around... in the end ian bought his jeans from fox wisma...he he we rushed back to da office cause we were kinda late...saw dis cute austrailian chick in the train...damn she's hot and nice bums too (my heart thumps ba da boom!ba da boom!)...k i'm just being cheeky...

meeting up wid sean and the rest...going to celebrate sean's birthday at phuture...actually dun feel like clubbing anymore, haiz...dis time around it will be my very last time to club(dis is for real)...i'm just sick and tired of the clubbing scene...everytime its the same old routine of getting drunk, dancing, pushing through sweaty crowds and at the end of the day you simply feel fugged up...

k now for a more serious matter...my fugging zen micro is giving me problems again...dis is like the second time its headphone jack break...its so frustrating cause i've to waste time travelling all the way to jurong to get it fixed...now i'm kinda in a dilemma...i feel like fixing it and continue using it till end of the guranteed period before getting a new one...another option is to get it fixed, sell it off and buy a new one...but i feel so half-hearted to sell it away...it was my very first mp3 player and i bought it wid my very first bonus from da paolo...so it kinda means a lot to me...haiz such a difficult decision to make...

well i think i've been crapping too much shit for the day till den...adios...

just plain crappin...

2005-06-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

been spendin the whole day at home today...nothin much happenin...just lazing around and catching up wid my lost sleep...kinda not feeling well...nowadays the weather has been either hot like hell or rainin heavily when u least expected...so decided not to go out cause i wanna recharge my body energy to the maximum for this comin hectic week to come...

eversince i told my tl dat i'm goin to hk next month...she has been telling me to do more ot, haiz...but oh well i dun mind either cause i need the money for my trip...dis wednesday will be my buddy sean's birthday...still hasn't thought of wad to get for him...it will be a whole nite of dancing and drinking till both of us are dead drunk (promised him)...hopefully i can get half day on thurs if not i'm sure will be a walking zombie at work...dis will be the last time for me to club...i really begining to hate clubbin...i dun know why, maybe i'm just getting older to do dis kinda crappy thing...

its been 3days since i indulge in any junk food...i'm sure i can do it...told ian to help me and punish me if i even take a bite of any junk food in da office (ha ha)...i'm sure he can cause he always give me the sarcastic look whenever i eat junk food at work, lol...hopefully dis time it will work...i'm tired of feeling so @%#$%%$...so my darling colleagues please dun offer me any junk food k, ha ha...

tomoro kel will be back in da office, woohoo...miss ya dude...did u getvthe silkworms, hehehe...miss all the laughter, crapping on msn and clowning around in da office...tomoro we go eat lunch together all rite...

k i think i'm goin to hit the sack...planning to wake up early tomoro...see ya bright and early in da office everyone...

shes no you

2005-06-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

They got a lotta girls

Who know they got it going on

But nothing's ever a comparison to you

Now can't you see that your the only one

I really want

And everything I need

Is everything you do

Any girl walk by, don't matter

'Cause your looking so much better

Don't ever need to get

Caught up in jealousy

She could be a super-model

Every magazine... the cover

She'll never, ever mean a thing to me...

She's no you... oh no

You give me more than I could ever want

She's no you... oh no

I'm satisfied with the one I've got

'cause your all the girl

That I've ever dreamed

She's only a picture on a magazine

She's no you... she's no you

They got a lot of girls

Who dance in all the videos

But I prefer the way you do,

The way you move

You're more than beautiful

And I just wanna let you know

That all I ever need

Is what I've got with you

Any girl walk by, don't matter

Every time your looking better

I think your perfect

There ain't nothing I would change

She could be a super-model

Every magazine... the cover

She'll never, ever take my heart away

No one's ever gonna get to me

Oh, the way you do

Now baby can't you see

That you're the one... the only one

Who's ever made me feel this way

Nothings ever coming even close

No one's ever been comparable to you

I don't want nothing I don't got

I don't need nothing but you

I can't get more than you're given me

Don't stop anything you do

Your all that... all that, and then some

You know what... just what I need

And no girl, no place and no where

Could mean a thing to me

thoughts of u clouded my mind...kept thinking of wad we chatted earlier on...wish i could say somethin to make you feel better...but all i did was just making a clown of myself...you said i'm always happy...but i wish i can tell you... its you who make me happy...its you who make me smile each day...its you who make me feel everything is wonderful...i wish i can do the same for you too..

officially missing you

2005-06-25T12:45:00.000+08:00

Sway

Don't stray

Don't ever go away

I should be much too smart for this

You know it gets the better

Of me

Sometimes

When you and I collide

I fall into an ocean of you

Pull me out in time

Don't let me drown

Let me down

I say it's all because of you

And here I

Losing my Control

I'm practising your name

So I can say it

To your face it doesn't

Seem right

To look you in the eye

And let all the things

You mean to me

Come tumbling out my mouth

Indeed it's time

Tell you why

I say it's

Infinitely true

Say you'll stay

Don't come and go

Like you do

Sway my way

Yeah I need to know

All about you

And there's no cure

And no way to be sure

Why everythings turned inside out

Instilling so much doubt

It makes me so tired

I feel so uninspired

My head is battling with my heart

My logic has been torn apart

And now

It all turns sour

Come sweeten

Every afternoon

Say you'll stay

Don't come and go

Like you do

Sway my way

Yeah I need to know

All about you

Say you'll stay

Don't come and go

Like you do

Sway my way

Yeah I need to know

All about you

Its all because of you

Now it all turns sour

Come sweeten

Every afternoon

It's time

Tell you why I say it's

Infinitely true

Say you'll stay

'' i'm officially missing you...my beautiful you...till you sway in my way... ''

2005-06-24T04:03:00.000+08:00

its 4am in the morning...been awake for the past 2hrs...had a quick shower and now i can't get myself back to sleep...the feeling of melancholiness envelopes me...i dun know why...wish i have the answers but its all blank in my mind...anyways lets get to somethin more upbeat...

well talking about good news...finally my buddy david is getting his big arse to singapore...after 2 fugging years of waiting...he's finally back here in singapore for a short visit...tomoro i must go and buy 4d, lol...haiz thinking of getting leave but i dun think it will be approve by wati...since i'm goin to hong kong next month i doubt she'll grant me an off day to spent time wid my buddy...anyways dude we shall cheong all the night long when u in singapore...i'll make sure u get drunk and have the biggest hangover you'll ever remember in your life, lol...just kidding...damn you dun know how much i miss you dude and there's so much stuff to catch up after dis while...lol surely u be shock at the changes in me after a long time we last saw each other...hope you dun get aheart attack and faint when you see me, lol...

well i dun feel like bloggin anymore...feel like continuing my writing instead..till den, ciao...

2005-06-23T18:02:00.000+08:00

the next few days at work will be kinda boring...cause my buddy kel is goin on holiday...she's goin to bangkok for the next few days (enjoy ur trip dude and dun foget the silkworms, lol)...but hey guess who's comin back after a few days MIA...yeah my another buddy, ian is comin back after slogging for the past few days burrying himself under piles of notes and textbooks, lol...hope the exams have been a breeze for you dude...

finally decided to change my blog video, lol...after hours of browsing...i decided to use michelle branch's everywhere video...she looks so hot in dis clip...i dun know but i guess i just love gurls wid long silky straight hair (like pocahantas), lol...and i think she look the best in dis video...

today has been a breeze at work...mosly just clicking some and chat for while den click some again and surf net...things are getting kinda mundane at times...but for now i ain't complaining...for the past few days, the office seems to be kinda empty especially when farah is not around anymore...miss chatting wid her, making fun of her and not forgetting exchanging tips on neopetting, lol...things will never be the same without dat gung-ho gal and good friend of mine...hope everything is goin on well for you gal over at your new place...

k for the record today i didn't munch much on junk food, lol...except for a few pieces of heavenly after eight mint chocolates (mmmmm it just taste so good to resist it...)...

finally added wyman to my msn...chatted a little bit wid him...if anyone of you are free do check out his blog...check out his potato band playing 'are you gonna be my girl'...its so cute and funny...very original and i love it so much...

k gotta go back to work...darn all black a/cs now...which mean i've to start calling the morons...till tomoro den...

2005-06-22T13:26:00.000+08:00

i've been gorging myself with junk food lately...almost every meal of mine will end up wid me eating chocolates or chips...despite trying to refrained myself to eat so much junk food...i'll always end up goin to the supermarket on my way home and buying loads of snacks...busily gorging them while watching dvd or chinese drama serials...and if there's nothing fattening to munch...i'll end up munching on my cornflakes...its getting crazy and i myself am getting shocked in dis change in myself, lol...

probably my life is gettin out of focus lately...haiz i'm getting lazier and becoming more and more like a bum each passing day...thank god i've a job...work everyday have been a laughing affair...thanks to kel wid all her huang fei hong, siniang and daxia jokes...always making sure dat i'm laughing my head off...looking like a loony in front of my pc, lol...dun be fooled by her unfriendly looks, lol...cause dis girl is actually very shy but once u get to know her, lol...looking at her you can also laugh...

k today i'm like in blueberry heaven (fine i know i sound sissy but i love blueberries in everything and not forgetting mint chocolates and mint ice-cream, lol)...had blueberry muffins and blueberry tea for breakfast, mmmmm...still waiting for the blueberry muffins which she promised me (silly grin)...

i think i'm beginnin to like myself wid my ultra short hairstyle...i think i totally look way much neater and fresher everyday...though i can look irritatingly underage wid dis hairstyle (but i'm not complaining much, lol)...gonna cut my hair in two weeks time and dis time around i'm so totally goin to cut 'rob thomas hairstyle', super duper ultra short, lol...i'm craving each day and everytime i look at rob thomas...i know kel will be screamin at me, lol...cause she say its super duper short and ugly but i dun care, lol...its been a long time since i do something outrageous, lol...

k i'm beginning to crap in my blog...anyways gotta focus on my work now...woohoo lotsa of call bars today...too bad to those ain't around :P...i'm just having fun clicking away (ooohhh i love rubbing it in baby...ha ha)...ciao

out of the blue

2005-06-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

i dun know y but have been feeling melancholic...it started since last night...emptiness filling me up...just wondering why am i feeling dis way...

yesterday started with full of laughter...thanks to kel and ian...always making me laugh wid their funny antics and not forgetting their comical faces...i always laugh whenever i look at them (even when they look at me wid a stern, straight faces)...

haven't been keeping in touch wid sharon...felt bad about it but i'm just so tired to go out nowadays...had a very tiring weekend...watching all the latest movies wid my friends and colleagues...can't wait for 'war of the worlds' to come out despite my hatred for shortie tom cruise is increasing each day (lol)...dat frigging cradle snatcher...

i know i sound kinda pathethic rite now...but i just can't stop thinking about her...thoughts of her usually makes me smile...but today it just felt so blank...it feels like i'm in the middle of the maze and couldn't get out...at times kinda feel breathless...i dun know wad the fug am i thinking anymore...i guess rainy days make u kinda feel moody about everything...

i'll leave dis post wid a quote dat i thought about while walking home last nite...

'if there are signs, why are we still blind...'

think about it (winks)...

my kinda gal....

2005-06-19T01:07:00.000+08:00

You scored as Artistic girls. You like artistic girls, and think they are especially different as well. You like special things and you hope u can find a unique girl on this world.

Artistic girls

84%

Rock and roll girls

80%

Funny girls

80%

Hot and Spicy girls

68%

Silence girl

64%

Independence girls

52%

Friendly girls

52%

Sporty and sunshine girl

48%

Pretty girls

40%

Cute and Lovely girls

36%

What type of girls you love?
created with QuizFarm.com

though she may not be arty farty enuff...she's unique and perfect in so many ways...

That someday it would bring me back to you

2005-06-18T09:39:00.000+08:00

last night was total madness...i'm fugging worn out...watched 2 movies within a night (Batman Begins @ 7pm and sneak preview of A Lot Like Love @ 2.45am)...the first one i watched with dawn and polo right after work...followed by dinner at cafe cartel ps (i was so hungry dat i practically gorge down at the free flow of bread while waiting for my food, lol)...den sean and jaclyn came...the rest went back early except me and sean...we were so bored dat we walked from ps all the way to cine, lol...i was like half-dead already by the time we reached cine...and to make matters worse, the tickets for the sneak previews at midnight was left with just the few front rows...so we both decided to fug it and grab the 2.45 ones...

while waiting for our movie we went to sit outside LJ and chatted...recently been hanging out quite a lot with sean during the weekends...the other time went two catch magadascar at cineleisure...lol we fugging look like two gays watching cartoon, eeewww nooooo...darn david when the fug are u coming to singapore...these two are one of my closest buddies during our breeks days...and i hope you guys will always be my good buddies...

'Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you'

currently my favorite song is sunday morning by maroon 5...i dun know why but it kinda reminds me of her...my beautiful her...

2005-06-10T13:59:00.000+08:00

2005-06-08T00:04:00.000+08:00

went to catch monster-in-law wid a few of my colleagues...it was really a great movie to de-stress after a whole day of hell at work...feel so fugging pissed off about work today...just dun feel like talking about it...from now on i'm just goin to ignore and do my own work...anyways i dun care a damn...

2005-06-07T06:01:00.000+08:00

its 6am in the morning...been awake for an hour and can't get back to sleep...so i played some games to earn neopoints for my neopet, hehehe and downloaded a few mp3s while online...

recently caught dis movie called 'pay it forward'...a sweet heartwarming movie about how a boy think of a way to make dis world a better place for his social studies project...finally he thought of dis movement called 'pay it forward'...it will start by him helping out 3 people and dis 3 people will have to help out another 3 people each...the rule of the movement is dis people can't pay back to the person who help them...they have to find 3 other people whom they have to pay forward the kindness that they have been been given...thus creating a perfect world eventually...

so have u ever wondered if there's such thing as a perfect world...a world where there's no war, no rude people, no stressful decisions to make and no worries whadever...just a place where everyone help one another and peace everywhere and everyday...and you know whenever you fall there'll always be a hand readily to help you up...i guess its just a fascination on my part...

everyone of us has become very selfish, greedy, and self-materialistic...we are always running forward dat once in a while we forget ourselves...we forget to look back to those in need, those unfortunate and those innocent ones who suffer cause of our undoin...

if only we sit down and think just for a min...what can we do to make dis world a better place...it doesn't have to big...just a gentle gesture just to make someone's day happy...think about it ;)...

2005-06-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

k i've changed my video clip...well its because the clip for my beautiful soul wasn't working rite the next day...aaarrrggghhh at times it can be kind of frustrating after all ur hardwork and things just couldn't work out...anyways found one of my all time favorite song by green day called time of your life (good riddance)...i think its the best break up song...hehehehe...anyways i'm starting to talk crap and i've gotta go now...ciao

2005-06-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

i don't want another pretty face
i don't want just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul

being in love is the most beautiful thing isn't it...knowing someone special in your heart is always there for you...just makes me feel warm and fuzzy...hahaha i guess the way i talk makes u think i've found dat special someone in my life...i do but she doesn't know about it...everytime i listen to this song it totally reminds me of her...she's prefectly beautiful in every way...at times i wonder if i'm good enough for her...but then again to give up just like that i'll be the world's biggest fool...for now u guys enjoy dis beautiful song on my blog, the song for my beautiful soul...

2005-05-29T12:32:00.000+08:00

gay

what stereotypical hairstyle do you sport?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-05-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

k i've change my music video again...i'm kinda hooked to dis song at the moment...it kinda has a catchy feel to it...he he if i'm goin to ask a gal to be my girl, i think it'll be my song for her...followed by a bouquet of flowers and maybe a kiss (hehe hopefully not two tight slaps, haha)...damn am i thinking dat far when i dun even have the balls to ask her out...if only she can read my mind, how much i feel about her...

anyways lets not talk about my love life cause its extremely boring...well been trying hard to save money for my hong kong trip...saving little by little out of my weekly salary, hope i can save enough for my shopping spree over there, haha...hopefully i can get hold of yonfan's triology which i'm dying to watch...well today i surfed the L word site and am happy to announce dat the second season dvd is coming out in a few months time (woooohoooo)...been waiting patiently for the day to arrive and to get hold of the dvd...

been feeling kind of restless at work...guess been resting too much at home over the long weekends...ray couldn't make it to poly (sorry about the news dude)...i hope he is able to make the best decision for himself...dun worry so much k...when one opportunity closes, another opportunity will opens (hehe i hope my quote sounds all rite)...

well dats for today folks...gotta do something else...thanks for reading till den...

2005-05-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

these past two days i've been rotting at home practically doin nothing...haha well cleaned up my room after being nagged by my dad...i dun know what's up with me these past few days...i just seem not in the mood to do anything...i dun even feel like eating (hehe which is good)...probably bein at home makes me feel so restless...but den again i'm just so lazy to get my butt outta my house...especially the temptations of spending my money on stuff dat eventually i'll just cast aside in my room...

been thinking of wad to write lately but nothing comes out of my mind...the only thing dat kinda bug me now and den is kl...i kinda miss kl...i dun know why but i just can't seem to wait to go there again, hehe...

been trying to save money for my hong kong trip...but kinda hates to work ot nowadays, maybe my body just feels tired...not too sure if i'm going to work ot tomoro...will see who's staying back, so maybe i'll just stay for a while...hopefully tomoro will be another red light district day at work, woohooooooo...don't get me wrong, haha, red light district is not associated or linked to anything that's dirty...

anyways hope u guys like my new music video on da blog :)...its a new single by 50 cent called 'just a lil bit' hehe, my current fav song...enjoy

2005-05-22T09:39:00.000+08:00

k i've been neglecting my blog for a while...well been too busy chatting at work wid my colleagues and friends on msn and not forgetting mt cute little jub jub (neopets, haha)...

dis week has been kinda boring cause there's lotsa calls to make to the morons, haha...so me and ian has our own reporting network on msn...we always come up with stories and imagine that we are hosting our own show or reporting live on da news...i think we have the potential to give stephen chow a run for his money (haha i'm not sure if my sentence is correct)...

last nite, i attended one of my secondary school mate's (zaidah) wedding dinner...it was held at raffles clubhouse, in fort canning (damn the walk was far from the carpark and the place is so desserted)...so a word of advice please do not hold any functions there cause its very inconvenient and if you do please do not invite me, hehe...met a few of my classmates whom i've not met for a few years...looking at them i feel like as if i'm still a kid...they are either married or engaged, hehe and they kinda look old...and one of them ask me 'so Z when is your turn?'...i was like 'harlow, dun tell me that u don't remember i'm GAY' haha but i didn't...i just smiled and say that my career is much more important to me now...there were lots of food (must cost them a bomb to hold it there)...halfway through our dinner we were entertainted by a belly dancer...damn dat gurl can really move man (there was one part which she dance and her body shakes like a vibrator, hehe)...towards the end the bride and groom did a tango dance, it was very sweet and they are very good (hehe to know about why they do the dance, please read the next paragraph)...

the bride(zaidah) and groom (nigel) looks compatible with each other...and i realise zaidah really looks hot if she puts on make-up (she looks like janet jackson)...the story of how they met is very sweet...they met on their first day of their dancing class (i think it was a mambo class)...zaidah went there with another colleague of hers...it was after class so both of them were trying out the new dance steps...nigel came up to them and chatted with both of them...zaidah was kinda tired so nigel and her friend continue to practice the dance steps...after dat the three of them went for coffee...so the three of them become friends and meet up once in a while...after a few months later, zaidah receive a msg from nigel asking if she's interested to learn tango...zaidah asked her colleague if she's interested to join nigel and her to learn tango...hehe fortunately her colleague was not interested...so nigel and zaidah went to learnt tango and also learnt more about each other (haha)...and for the rest of the story you all should know how it goes so i no need to type so much, haha...

i dun know why but last nite at the wedding dinner...i kinda feel sad cause i suddenly feel like i've lost something...i dun know probably i kinda miss the olden days of secondary school life and i wish i had get to know my mates even more...how time pass by so fast...it felt like only yesterday when i was just a sixteen years old teenager...

after dinner, one of my good friend and her hubby brought me to their pub...her hubby is the owner of dis pub called sullivan's...they were showing a football match on tv so we had some drinks while watching...hehe there were lots of ang mo hotties cause they were having a birthday party for one of their friends...i stayed with them till the pub closes and went back home to sleep to my most comfortable bed in the world...

woohoo not working today and tomoro...for those of you who are, my heart goes all out for you (hehe)...well no plans yet so for now i'm going to watch my dvds, eat, sleep and be a pig, haha...

2005-05-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

friday 13/05/05

woohoo thank god the weekends are here...been feeling restless at work today cause there's more calls to make and the damn aircon wasn't working...but there's a few of colleagues that makes life bearable working, he he...been busy msning one another dat i kinda slack in doin my tasks, ha ha...been laughing like a lunatic in front off my pc at work cause of them...always making funny jokes...damn i look totally uncool when i laugh non-stop, he he...anyways there's no super-duper hot babes in the office so its not dat bad...

been thinking should i wear the new nike bermudas dat i bought last week to work tomoro...but i dun have any interesting top to go with it...i can be very vain at times ain't i, haha...guess wadever i can grab from my wardrobe den i'll wear it to work...woohoo payday tomoro, wondering how much money will i get...been doin ot almost everyday to save lots of money for my hk trip with zen...

saw a secondary school friend whom i've never been keeping in touch for so long...had a real long chat about the past especially about our crushes and all the silly things we did back den...how time past by so fast...it felt only yesterday when i started secondary school life...well enuff of the nostalgia, he he...

sat 14/05/05

went to collect my pay chque before i went to work today...quite satisfied with dis work pay and furthermore the agency didn't deduct my cpf for dis week...had hotcakes while the rest went for LJ breakfast...had fun eating, chatting and making fun of each other(dats what we do most of the time at work) he he...i know dat some of you will be envious of my current job, he he...but oh well life ain't fair so bite me :P...

after work went to esplanade library to return my dvds...den went to suntec to get another pair jeans, haha...well its time to get new ones cause most (90%) of my jeans are tattered and torn at the seams, hehe...met up wid sam and alex for dinner...its been awhile since i met up wid these two good buddies of mine...we chatted and forgotten the time till it was very late...but anyways it was fun meeting up with you guys...hope you both dun go MIA on me again...gosh my stomach feels so bloated now, haha...

had a refreshing shower and now i can't get to sleep...so decide to go online and finished up my blog entry...

well i guess dats for now at the moment...maybe do a bit of surfing till my eyes can't take it anymore...till den again...

2005-05-11T02:31:00.000+08:00

just got back from supper with ray and sharon...we had beef kway teow and fried kailan (taste so good)...the three of us are so hungry and we kinda gobble down our food, ha ha...ray is leaving Da Paolo next week cause he'll be goin to poly dis coming semester (good for ya dude and all the best)...so the three of us planned to go clubbin next wed to zouk...sharon was excited about it cause it has been a long while since she last went...we talked as we had some more drinks, gossiping about working at Da Paolo (ha ha) and also about girls (he he)...

anyways i'm beginning to get closer with my colleagues at Starhub...ha ha we spent almost 75% of our time msn each other in between making calls...ian, this dude sits besides me, one funny guy...msn with him i can laugh non-stop...we always make fun about almost everything ha ha and not forgetting about 'our hot babe' chat ha ha...i'm also beginning to get to know dis other colleague of mine, her name is kel...ha ha the first time i met her i thought she was snobbish...but slowly after getting to know her i realise that she is a very nice girl, quiet most of the time...she likes to watch movies and read books too...she is so into astrology and is very good in it...now i'm kinda hook to it, ha ha so slowly learning...anyways i went to surf the net and read about the characteristics of a virgo (damn its 99.9% true)...i'll type the article below and those who know me will definitely agree that all those characteristics are in me...

Personality and characteristics of a virgo

If you’re reading this, then you or someone you know is a Virgo. The sign of Virgo is the symbol of The Virgin and it falls between the dates of August 23 and September 22 (by the way my birthday is on 29/08/80, haha). If you have ever been acquainted with someone born under this sign, then you probably understand why they are named for The Virgin.

One of the first things you will note about the Virgo is his/her ability to be completely and totally knowledgeable about certain things (usually something that they are particularly good at or interested it) yet completely lacking in the simplest aspects of common sense. Often the Virgo is the one to be extremely book smart, but street dumb as they don’t tend to think in the same way as others. Virgos view the world with a child-like purity, often not realizing when others are being facetious or sarcastic.

Interestingly enough, they are very analytical and practical by nature, yet many times they tend to have tunnel vision, so their true nature may only be apparent to themselves. You might find the Virgo child keeps his/her room in a state of disarray, yet they know where each and every one of their items is kept. A creative Virgo may write stories of great length and imagination or paint works of art that illustrate limitless boundaries, but you can bet that within a Virgo’s brain, there is a specific method to their madness.

This manner of inner logic extends not only to their behavior in daily life, but in relationships as well. You might find that Virgos tend to be either withdrawn and stoical or extroverted and carefree. Their logical nature tends not to leave much room for emotional expression. This being the case, one might judge the Virgo as being aloof or cold. There is nothing farther from the truth. Though they might not express themselves emotionally, they do express themselves in many other ways. They are loyal friends and faithful lovers. They tend to give as much as they have as this is their nature. This often leaves them open for heartbreak and to be taken advantage of. But no matter how often they are hurt, the core of their heart is a bottomless pit of forgiveness.

The Virgo tends to live from their environment. They act as new souls, coming into the world blank slates, ready to be molded and shaped into the person they were meant to be. But take care, a Virgo raised in a dysfunctional home won't know the finer virtues of life. When raising the Virgo, the best thing to remember is that they learn everything that you teach them, regardless of whether you intended to teach it to them or not.

Virgos are innocent by nature (ha ha k maybe you guys won't agree of me being innocent). This is important to remember as they may not grasp things as quickly as others, but don't sell them short. Once they get it, they keep it.

All in all, this sensible sign can be misunderstood if you don’t know their true nature, but once you do, you can expect a friend/lover for a lifetime.

that's why at times i feel like i'm kinda misunderstood..there was one article which i read that says virgos are more of a follower than a leader (which is so damn true about me)...dats why i never succeeded in being a good supervisor at breeks...cause i know i dun have the makings of being one...anyways its all in the past...but at least one thing i'm thankful breeks for...ha ha its where the very first time i met a beautiful soul...

well i better get some sleep cause its going to be 3am and i need to wake up at 7am today...damn i suddenly have the urge for hotcakesssssssss....

2005-05-10T00:19:00.000+08:00

i dun know why but tonight i can't get to sleep even though my body feels tired...my mind been thinking and thinking of ideas of what to write...and i kinda wrote a skeleton of a short story which i've been meaning to write for so long...anyways decided to take a break and so here I am...

nothing much interesting happening lately...except for I'm going to Hong Kong next month (woohooooooooooooooo) with Zen and a few of her friends...feeling kinda excited cause it will be my very first plane trip, ha ha...and i already know what i wanna get from hong kong, he he he...hopefully I can get director's Yon Fan Triology box set, been dying to get one of those babies...but amazon dun have the set in their catalogue which is such a waste...

last nite met up with a friend of mine and we chatted over a few bottles of beer...i dun understand why do people like to ask questions about my life and when its my turn to ask about them...they'll either change another topic or just say that their life ain't that interesting...well my life ain't that interesting either...but i kinda love the way it is now, my freedom and my own personal space most of the time...and another question which i practically hate is 'so do you have a gf?' and when i say 'no i don't' they will say 'sure or not. go and find one lah'...gosh doesn't mean that i'm a lesbian I always have to have a gf...anyways having a gf is just a pure waste of time for me now...i guess i still have not found my perfect rite one...ha ha one of my friend use to say that i will always be single all my life if i'm too choosy...well i'm not being choosy, i just dun want to regret and hating my partner...ending a relationship is the worst thing a person can do to another...

tomoro will be another click, click, click day at work, ha ha...its better den calling those morons...better get goin cause its kinda late now...

2005-05-04T10:17:00.000+08:00

k i've decided not to post about my KL trip cause i'm just too lazy to talk about it, ha ha...but I really had fun during my stay there...its been an eye-opening experience for me and I hope I get to save lots of money to travel to places dat I've been dying to go especially Spain and Latin America (cheeky grin on my face)...

been spending the whole day redoin my blog instead of working (ha ha hope my managers dun read my blog)...any comments will be appreciated even if u think it sucks...but personally i love the new image of my blog cause it totally screams ME!!!!...hopefully one day i can post a pic of me holding her hands instead of this pic...anyways I better stop dreamin about that until the day i've finally have her...

i've decided to put my passion for writing to full usage...i'm setting up another blog called 'Lesbian Nation' where i'll post my writings whenever i can...in a way to improve on my writing and also to hear views from anyone about my works...but currently the blog is under construction so once its up i'll keep u guys posted...

all right i better get back to work and clear all my tasks...need to go off early cause i'm going to my fav. place in the whole wide world...the esplanade library ;)...

A Brand New Look...

2005-05-02T21:41:00.000+08:00

finally revamped my blog cause i'm getting kinda sick of the old one (too plain and boring)...i did it this morning a couple hours after i got back from my kl trip (couldn't get myself to sleep after a refreshing shower)...anyways the trip was fun and i get to explore lots of places which i've never been to before...well i will blog about it in my next posting cause i'm just too tired to type about my trip rite now...well gotta go and start the washing machine...lots of dirty laundry to do ;)...

Goodbye.....

2005-04-29T16:18:00.000+08:00

dis is my last post here cause i'll be away for the weekends...once i'm back i'll changing to a brand new layout for my blog (so watch it out soon :))...will be spending my weekend in KL with my cousin and a couple of our friends...called stephen to surprise him about my KL trip in the hopes dat we can meet up there...but he won't be in KL for the weekend, he's going back to his hometown to attend his cousin's wedding...so we met a promise to meet up next weekend(ha ha i'm going again but dis time with a group of my friends)

its been two weeks since i started this job and i'm totally comfortable with the whole office system...though at times i do get restless and sleepy after sitting in front of the pc for a few hours...my colleagues are great and PS is my current hangout place for lunch

well gotta rush through my calling list, need to get out of here before 6.30 to meet my cousin...enjoy your weekend to whoever that's reading dis and till den...

Virus Everywhere...............

2005-04-20T16:10:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so sick...been getting runny nose and coughs these days...i don't know if its cause of my long overdue haircut or bcoz of the flu virus thats been kinda spreadin in the office...everyone seems to be down here...been drinking lots of water and sucking on lozenges till my tongue feel numb...

anyways met up with my ex-colleagues from da paolo last nite...took them to seoul garden taka to pig out...not much variety these days probably cause its a weekday...saw sir george and sir terence :)...ha ha my friends and I pig out till we feel like puking...the service was good and attentive :)...after dat sat down outside taka while my friends smoked...saw polo and sean, both of them were sitting there with some friends...its been some time since i saw them and they look good...anyways made some plans to go cheong with them tonite, hopefully they can join my friends and me...

don't really feel like clubbing but its my buddy birthday and i've promised to go cheong with him...aarrgghhh still have not bought any pressie from him...guess i'll grab something after work...

gosh i miss her...she's been busy lately preparing for her exams so we hardly talked :(...

anyways gotta get back to work now...have to finish lots of calls before 6.30 (help!!!!!)...

Damn I'm Furious!!!!!!

2005-04-16T08:58:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking pissed with my dad that i really have to blog this entry the moment i step into office...he went to get my fav jeans altered cause the seams became tatered and torned...and now its kinda shorter and i feel like an ultra-nerd trying to look cool when i wear this jeans...my super-duper ultra cool grungy jeans have become an ultra super-duper nerd jeans (aaarrrrgggghhhhh)....i totally hated wearing it now...i wish i can take it off rite now but i'm at my workplace :( so have to go through hell for today i guess...damn i'm going down to holland v later to collect my last pay cheque on hope i didn't meet any of my cute regulars...dis is a total embarassment for me to be walking around town with this stupid jeans...damn no more jeans to wear for clubbing(aaarrrggghhhh)....

anybody wants to donate me some money for me to get my G-Star jeans (been dreaming of getting one since my first pay cheque from Da Paolo....)....

well gotta go now before my supervisor comes in...adios

Still Surviving.............

2005-04-15T12:52:00.000+08:00

I'm getting a hang of my job and kinda enjoy wad i'm doin...ha ha its weird since i'm totally not a deskbound person....can't wait to lay my hands on my pay...been dreaming of getting a digital cam for myself for so long...hopefully i can get it soon...kinda envious of my friends who owns digi cam...

anyways, looking forward to next tuesday meeting up with my secondary school friends...its been like 2yrs or more since i met up with them.. guess everyone changes except me...so far one of my friend has gotten married and just gave birth to a baby girl...the other one as expected had an ang mo for a bf...the other 2 girls i'm not really dat sure...guess i'll still be the same old me, like a kid...guess my problem is i just hate being a grown up, ha ha...

well guess i gotta go before my supervisor came back from her lunch...ha ha we are not supposed to surf the net at work...but anyways who cares...ciao

First Day @ Work

2005-04-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

after being jobless for 10 days, i've finally got a job... Today was my first day at work...ha ha you guys can never imagine what my job is...i'm now working as a credit control officer at Starhub...i'm doin 2 things that i hate most in my life...a deskbound job and i have to make lots of phonecalls(aaarrrggghh i hate talking on the phone)...but so far everything has been cool and the money is not bad...i get to wear jeans and sneakers to work

there's nothing much i wanna update in my blog...kinda tired, all i want now is my pillow and my bed....zzzzzzzzz

Proud Being Me...

2005-04-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

Butch, baby!
Congratulations! You scored 56%!

My kind of buddy, you are butch enough to cause great confusion in Kansas and other mid-western states. Keep up the good work!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 83% on lestype

Link: The Lesbian Classification Test written by ButchBabe on Ok Cupid

Romantic Me...

2005-04-07T20:40:00.000+08:00

You scored 90% Perfect, 9% Realist, 0 %Shy immature, and 0% Sex Not Romance!

Wonder what score u got huh? what does it mean? well, i'll tell you :-)

If you scored a high "perfect" score, guess what! you're perfectly romantic. You have a beautiful heart, and I hope that someday you will meet that wonderful person of your dreams... ;)

If you scored a high "realist" score... well then, you need to get your head out of the science books my friend! Love is NOT something you can control, or put into a box... remember that! I hope that you learn to let go a little, listen to your heart a little more!

If you scored a high "shy immature"... then wow, you need to grow up when it comes to romance! Get a backbone! Please realize that those people in the movies and stuff are definately not the people of your dreams, and that you need to look around you for the flesh and blood people who are probably just waiting for you to open your eyes!

If you scored a high "Sex not Romance" Score... you are a horn dog... your mind is ruled by your sex drives, and your probably colder than ice on the inside, just looking for the next selfish pleasurable moment. Grow Up! Get a heart! Let yourself fall in love, meaningful sex with someone you love and have opened and thawed your frozen heart for will be absolutely amazing! more than i bet you've experienced so far! *** Thanks for taking my test, if you have any feedback, email me ;)****

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Perfect

You scored higher than 99% on Realist

You scored higher than 99% on Shy immature

You scored higher than 99% on SEX Not Romance

Link: The What Kind of Romantic Are You? Test written by BbyItzCldOutsid on Ok Cupid

Not Bad For Someone Like Me :P

2005-04-07T19:57:00.000+08:00

Agnostic
You scored 64 Christian!

You believe in life after death, but aren't totally sure what its like, or where etc.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 66% on Christian

Link: The How Christian Are You Test written by hornydancer on OkCupid Online Dating

well you guys must be thinking...what the fuck am i doin this quiz when i'm not even christian rite (ha ha)...no offence to my christian friends...i did this for fun to see if i'm as christian enough as her ;)(k some of u might think i'm lame but i dun care!)...glad i scored kinda impressively for a godless person like me...i'm so addicted to this website...they have all the quirkiest quizzes you can think of...lol, i even scored a high 85% for my gayradar test which i'm extremely proud of :)... the website is www.okcupid.com (have fun)...

Backed Off and Leave Me Alone...Dad

2005-04-07T15:23:00.000+08:00

rite now I'm feeling so fucked up with my dad...if only he can understand what i want in my life and not his...he wants to open a cafe sometime near the future and asked me if i'm interested...i told him i'm not cause i've my own dreams and plans...i don't really like to work in family business especially with my dad...cause both of us are stubborn and have totally different views...dat's why i'll never ever work with my dad...

he's angry with me and start telling grandfather stories to me...being sarcastic to me...told me that hopefully i won't regret it if he make it big someday...but i really don't cause i don't have any fucking interest to run a business...i rather be a poor film-maker than a rich person who make it big working in her family business...its not dat easy to open a cafe this days with all the big fishes in the market...but as always my dad just don't want to listen to my opinion...whatever dad cause i don't care a damn!!!

thought dat i'll have a peaceful day today, resting...but now i feel so pissed off...aaarrrrggghhhhh

Just Testing For Fun...

2005-04-07T08:36:00.000+08:00

"You're kinda cute!"
You are 49 fuckable!

Ok, so you can attract a few people. But, don't get too cocky. I said a few! Not many people have erotic thoughts about you. Perhaps it's because you're too hard-to-get. Ya know, have high standards and live in a fantasy of everything being perfect and grand. Well, it's not that way, sweetie! Perhaps it's because you're too shy. Ya know, shy can be cute, but it can also be annoying. If you're always nervous and insecure, it's hard to see you as much else. Be bold! Be sexy!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 7% on humpers

Link: The how fuckable are you? Test written by ShizzleBitch on Ok Cupid

Who's Your Daddy-cool....(drumrolls....)

2005-04-07T07:58:00.000+08:00

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

You are Super-Cool!

Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather. Any cooler and you'd freeze! WOO it's chilly in here.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

What's My Flava.......

2005-04-07T07:50:00.000+08:00

Your Icecream Flavour is...
French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Shagged and All I Want Is.....

2005-04-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

I'm terribly shagged by countless of job interviews that I been going to for this past few days...now I realised how difficult it is not having a job and also finding a good one (is like trying to find a needle in a haystack)...its been 4 donkey years since I went looking for a job...ha ha now making me remember the very first time I went for an interview at Breeks...I was in shorts and t-shirt (totally slak as usual) looking like a nerd...and now I've changed so much since then...

I haven't been blogging not because I've been lazy or too caught up with online gaming...but I just can't find anything to blog about...its like I always have writer's block whenever I'm at this page...

Now my mind is thinking of the creamy, smooth and luscious Haagen-Dazs Macadamia Nut Brittle...its been seducing me every single night...mmmmmmmmmmm

2005-04-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

my new addiction...from Haagen-Dazs...Macadamia Nut Brittle (oooohhhhh sooooooo yummaylicious)

My Personality

2005-04-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RGLD&g=2&o=2&h=155

Confusing Me

2005-03-25T08:36:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging much lately cause I've been busy...actually been addicted to playing games on Yahoo (ha ha)...should try this game called Bejeweled 2...its so addictive...besides being busy with that, I've been checking out about the A-levels syllabus...gosh its so confusing especially the maths...I've never seen so many complex formulaes in a math textbook before...i'm not too sure if i should go for it this year or next...it will be very rushing for me if i take it this year but if i take it next year i feel like i'm wasting too much of my time...i've already wasted 4 years of my life playing and living aimlessly...and now i'm in a dilemma to what i'm going to plan next...aarrrggghhh its so frustrating...

I wish i can stop working and concentrate on my studies...but i can't cause i don't want to burden my dad with the bills and if he's going to support me i'll feel pressured to succeed...i've enough pressure on myself already...I've got one more day before the closing date...whatever my choice will be, i hope i make it rite dis time...

been trying to link my friends on my blog but still couldn't figure it out how to do it...zen did gave me the linking html but it still won't work...guess try it again some other time when i have my patience...

well is time for me to go and shower and zoom to work...counting down my last 6 days......

Bittersweet Weekend

2005-03-21T08:38:00.000+08:00

My weekend started out with a dissapointment cause of my results...I didn't get shortlisted for the interview (I guess my paper was the worst one among all that took it.)...my mind was in a chaos and I don't feel like working...to make matters worst, it was very busy on Saturday, customers keep come in and go out...aaarrrggghhh...but I keep my dissapointment and frustration all to myself...

Told my cousin and she keep bugging me to stay...but I just don't want to...don't get me wrong, I love my job and the people but I feel dat my life is so stagnant if i continue to stay...den I confide in my good friend and she really did talk me out...I felt way much better but the feeling of void is still in me...I couldn't sleep at night so I ended up pigging on some food from the fridge, ha ha...

Wake up early Sunday morning and finished up the last half hour of my Spidey 2 dvd...showered and dragged myself to work...nothing much interesting happening and was so bored to death...I made myself busy by cleaning up the shop...

I didn't check my hp the whole day till it was time to go back home...an sms that made me smile from ear to ear...ha ha my colleague thought I had gone bonkers cause I was smilling like an idiot...it was from her saying hi...suddenly I feel like I was in cloud nine and all my troubles was so yesterday, ha ha...we sms each other and I confide in her...her words made me feel so much much better and now I'm going to carefully plan my next step...instead of sulking like a moron and blaming my imperfect life...

Babe thanks for everything...

Well gotta have my breakfast and scram outta my house before I'm late for work...Ciao

Oh What a Night...Mid March 2005...

2005-03-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

Finally had my haircut, since the last time my snip off my mane (ha ha) which was 3 months a go. Phew, finally a load off my head. Decided to treat myself for a movie but the one I wanted to watch will be shown at around midnight at Marina Square. Its kinda too late and I hate wondering aimlessly in town at night. The movie that I've been dying to watch is called ' A very long engagement' starring Audrey Tatou. She's watched it already (hmmph without asking me to go with her, ha ha but I was busy with my work as usual) and she wanted me to catch it. Well that's not the only reason I've wanted to catch the movie. I wanted to watch it cause of Audrey Tatou, I think she's an amazing actress in her own quirky way (especially in Amelie, she's such an adorable character and funny too). Hope I'll have the time to catch it before its no longer shown in the cinema.

Well anyways went back home and had my dinner. After dinner, cleaned up my house as well as my toilet. Had my shower and now I'm sitting rite in front of my pc, typing away....Guess I just can't get to sleep tonite...my results will be out tomoro at nine...I don't think I'll ake it this round...if I do, I'll try my very best for the interview...aaarrggghhh my mind is in a mess and my thoughts totally jumbled up thinking about tomoro...don't wanna put my hopes too high cause I don't want to be disappointed...my future lies on my fate tomoro.....

Well I'm gonna bum in and catch my Spidey 2 dvd...good luck to me for tomoro as well as the rest of my competitors.....good nite my love one...

Totally Screwed

2005-03-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

What a day it had been for me...very tiring, kinda dissapointed a bit and kinda don't know how I'm feeling...today went for my test at NP...it started out kinda good but I kinda take quite a while (about damn 20mins) to read the whole paper and to think hard what to write...in the end I don't really have much time for my paper and ended up scribbling my essay...sigh, I don't feel that I can make it through....aaarrrgggghhhhh!!!

But anyways, my life kinda goin on a fast pace lately...been goin for job interviews, finally keeping in touch with all my friends, watching all my dvds (which has been collecting dust on the shelves, ha ha) and meeting up with new and interesting customers lately...gosh I totally gonna miss my customers after I leave Da Paolo especially my regulars...nowadays seeing them made me don't wanna leave my current job but I have to...I dun wanna have a mundane life forever and I wanna do something about it before I grow old and regret not doing things that I should have tried going for...

Enough of the sentimental stuff, I need to go to bed and recharge this tired body of mine...till the next time...ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

Estatically Me

2005-03-13T02:37:00.000+08:00

I'm estatic today cause i received an sms from NP...I've been shortlisted for a written test this coming Monday for my Film, Sound and Video Dip application...half of the battle has been conquered...hope I can make it through and get accepted for this course...

It has been my childhood dream to learn about film-making...I hope this will be the beginning of an exciting career for me...gosh I can hardly sleep now thinking of what lies ahead for my future...the thought of me behind a camera directing my very first film or just me writing my very first screenplay...I hope one day I can create Singapore's very own lesbian theme drama series (ha ha something like the L word)...or maybe have my own PLU tv channel...or me being the first Singaporean to receive a Golden Globe or Oscars (hopefully with her as my date on the red carpet, ha ha)...lots of ideas been exploding in this quirky brain of mine...but for now I want to start from the bottom of the ladder and learnt everything...

So everyone watch out for Z inyears to come (ha ha)...

Interesting Quotes

2005-03-12T01:14:00.000+08:00

I was reading my emails when I chance upon an interesting article about lesbians and lesbian sexuality. Quite a long article so I'll list down quotes that i find interesting and somehow informative especially to THOSE IGNORANT FREAKY STRAIGHT ASSHOLES ( I just love being sarcastic... ;-) )

Despite the keg-party cliche that every man's fantasy is to see two women make out, our more pervasive cultural fantasy about lesbian sexuality is that it is not all that sexual.
lesbianism is about emotion, connection, sisterhood, herbal tea. It is about womyn loving womyn for various reasons.
The best reason for a woman to have sex with another woman (or for anyone to have sex with anyone) is because she wants to.

Stone Butch Blues

2005-03-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

Things haven't been good since the start of this week. I was down with a high fever and the doc gave me 2 days MC to have a very good rest. Took the opportunity to catch up with all my overdued sleep (my lacking of sleep has got nothing to do with watching too much of 'The L Word'). Anyways thanks to the doctor I did finally finished up the whole first season of 'The L Word', I just simply can't get enough of every character in the show. I'm so totally in love with Dana, god she's so beautiful and sexy especially when she's in a boyish tank top (yummay :P)......

Can't wait for the second season to be out on DVD...saw the trailer and it seems that there are more unexpected twist and turns in the next season...for now I'll slowly suffer post L word blues...

Anyways back to my reality.....just got another job recommended by my friend. I was excited at first but after giving my resignation letter yesterday to my boss I kinda feel at lost. I feel like as if I lost the love of my life...the kinda of feeling I've had when I left Breeks but it hurts so much more now...I guess its because I've spent most of my time with my colleagues and all the wonderful people I've met while working...I'm so gonna totally miss them :( and the whole of Holland Village...

Things between me and my dad hasn't been that good this past few days...don't know why but he seems to be cranky this days...can't be bothered with him...just make sure I'm asleep before he comes back and I'm gone while he is still sleeping...despite all the craziness Dad I still love you...

But today things kinda brighten up a bit. Went for my riding theory test and I feel so confident that I'll pass it through. The results will be out by next week. Den went down to Ngee Ann to submit my application for FSV course. Yup finally I did it after procastinating for weeks and hopefully I can get it. I really really really hope that I can make it through and if I did I'm totally celebrating it in a very big way....actually maybe dinner with her, ha ha....gosh with so many things to be done this week, I didn't even bother to sms her...I hope she's doing good, I miss her.........

2005-02-26T03:22:00.000+08:00

'Same Sex in the City'

The L Word obsession

2005-02-26T02:32:00.000+08:00

I'm so in love with 'The L Word'...Its 'Sex in the City' meets 'Queer as Folks'...I've been continuosly watching every single episode religiously since I've got them (a couple days ago)...Everything about 'The L Word' is so gorgeous (the hot babes, the scenes, the places in the show etc...)...Its a must show for all the ladies out there (either you are straight, lesbian or bisexual)...I'm so addicted and I guess you might think I'm so totally crazy about it...But you have to watch it to experience what I'm talking about....

I'm going to continue watching my next episode...till den...

Dreamin of her...but I'm still wide awake...

2005-02-21T02:20:00.000+08:00

I can't get to sleep and its kinda late in the middle of the night. Probably the coffee I took on my way home that's making me wide awake or...is it I just can't stop thinking about her...Its kinda crazy how people react when they are in love, ha ha...and I'm probably one of the loonies, ha ha.

Why does it feels so long for morning to come...I can't wait for her to wake up to read the msg dat I send her a couple hours ago...sometimes I wonder how her face reacts when she gets my message...or how she looks when she sleeps...she must look heavenly when she sleeps...wish she's by my side now, watching her sleeping... giving her little kisses on her cheeks and lips......holding her close...feeling her gentle heartbeat in rythm with the sound of her sleeping......zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2005-02-21T02:15:00.000+08:00

''I'm at the top of the world and life's a pussy buffet'' R Kelly from lyrics of Wonderful

Stephen

2005-02-21T01:47:00.000+08:00

My darling Stephen called me today. It feels so good to hear his voice after a long while. Am glad that things are going on fine for him. Woohoo he's coming back to Singapore in 2 months time.

Ha ha, in case you guys are wondering...Stephen is my darling, dearest friend and 'mummy'. We met when he came to Da Paolo to work as a pastry chef. His desserts and pastries are so to die for (I miss his strawberry chocolate cake, my tummy is rumbling wid hunger now ha ha.). Everyone in Da Paolo misses him so much. His like the centre of attraction at work and there's never a dull moment when his around. Gosh and how much I've learnt about being gay from him, ha ha. He always makes me wish dat I wanna be gay rather than a lesbian, ha ha. But I love women too much to want to become gay :P.

Can't wait to see him again so that I can bug him about the love of my life, ha ha. He's always been nagging at me to get a daughter-in-law for him. Hopefully he has good vibes about her (I'm sure he'll cause she's so....amazing, beautiful, cute, deliciously hot, exclusively for moi....ha ha and the list goes on but I better stop before you guys fall asleep)...

Me, Her and the Addictive Quizzes

2005-02-19T07:11:00.000+08:00

I think I'm so totally addicted to doin quizzes on quizzilla. Its fun and most of the time its true, hopefully I'm not too fanatic till most of my blog is filled with the quizzes, ha ha.

Anyways we sms each other last nite...gosh she is so sweet...I wis I can tell her how much she means to me and how much I love her but...I don't think its the right time yet cause I don't wanna rush things between us...and yet I always feel whenever we talk as if there's lots of things unspoken between us as if we are afraid to let it out....aaarrrgh its so frustrating but I know she's worth the waiting...can't stop thinking of her.................

Back to the quizzes, ha ha I can totally identify myself with Jack McPhee. He's one of my fav. characters in the show besides Joey Potter and Pacey. Actually I'm a bit of everything out of the dawson's creek's characters. I can identify with:

Jack cause of his confusion about being gay and going totally out in the open. Been there and done that...phew. But am glad dat I've friends that are supportive and accept me for being I am just the way his friends accept the way Jack is.

Dawson cause of his dreams of being a succesful director like Steven Spielberg. Ha ha, I dun really dig Spielberg's work though he's a very talented man. But I do have dreams of being a succesful scriptwriter as well as director one day. Maybe be a president for a gay channel in south east asia(ha ha, one of my long term goals).

Joey cause she's the type of person who likes to bottle up her feelings rather than letting it all out. She's kinda of a private person just like me. At times she's insecure which I can totally describe about me.

Pacey cause this dude is the joker and he don't really think much about himself. But he's more than who he thinks he is, he just needs the right girl to push him to work it. Ha ha, just the way I am.

Well gotta get ready for a long, draggy day at work...hope she sms me today.....:) only she can make me smile...

2005-02-19T06:48:00.000+08:00

You're Jack McPhee! Even though he is gay, that
doesn't mean you are...necessarily. You don't
have a lot of preferences, and are usually a
go-with-the-flow kinda person. You're usually
there when someone needs you. You know when to
be serious, and when to have fun. But not too
much fun!

Which "Dawson's Creek" Character are you?
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2005-02-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

LeSbian-your completely les. you love women

Are you gay, strait or bi? ...Girls Only... (UPDATED...WITH PIX)
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2005-02-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

Jenny

The L Word
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2005-02-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

Tomboy:
You dress pretty casual and you have short hair
that's pretty easy to style. You are probably
frequently mistaken for a young boy. You are
very passionate and fall in love easily.

What Kind Of Lesbian Stereotype Are You???
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